the cute & chic

3 years back

2010-07-23T09:47:00.001-07:00

I manage to open up my really antique laptop.
And it's full of memories.

And i read a message my ex said that when u wake up,i want u to have a great day.i just want u to noe that i love u farhanah. u were the bestest thing that ever happen in my life. And that no matter what happen, ill be there for u whn im not bz. Even if i call u gemok or babi No.1, you're still my prettiest,cutest,sweetest,kentalest girl that i love. I love you, Farhanah.

It made me cry because he was my first love. And that was the sweetest thing ive ever read.
N i knew deep down that all that he said came from his heart. It was so touching.
I called him on the 21st of July at 11+pm and he asked why did i call.
I asked him about some business stuff and i said i dunno i was browsing through all the old memories in my laptop, so i decided to call.
And i didnt see that coming and he kept quiet for a moment.

It was an ackward silence and then i knew that something wasn't right.
Then he said,"I already have a girlfriend."
My heart felt a tinged of sadness but i replied,"Oh, Good for you then."
And he continued and said,"Her name is also Farhanah. And she looks like you. Fair and all."

My eyes became watery. And i said controlling myself, "Huh..Oh..I hope u would last long with her."
It was sad because deep down i still care for him and i know he still cares for me.
And that he has a gf but who am i to stop him. I am happy for him really but somehow sad.
I dunno. I have a bf whom i love dearly but memories are still memories.
He is still there somewhere in my heart. But life has to go on.
We have gone our seperate ways but we both know that we still care for each other.

I am really happy for him. And i know he still care for me because even if we had breakup like so long ago, he is still there for me when im upset or have troubles. Same goes to him.
And it took me awhile after the phone call to realize something.
When he ask why did you call?.. I think he was expecting the answer..
The answer that it was exatcly 3 years ago when we got together.
I cant believe i didnt realize the date..

I hope he last long with the girl and what's important is that he is happy with his life.

This is it

2010-05-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

This is it? After all that we've been through, and you're finally letting it all go.

You gave up your love and most importantly, our love just like that.

And the reason is because i hurt you everyday and yet i don't know how to pujok?

Everyday my heart wants to cry out and i tried staying strong

and act as if i'm doing just fine. I tried holding strong but in the end,

as i get back in my room, the feeling of loneliness hung heavily in me.

I close the door of my room and cuddle myself on the bed crying.

I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

It's not that i want to count every little good deeds that i do for you.

But it's all running in my head now.

Waking up at 4.30am in the morning, walking in the dark, cold and lonely road,

to catch the first 969 bus just to be with you as long as i could b4 i head for school.

Packing up food for you incase you get hungry.

And all my allowance was all i got for the week.

But to me you need it more than i do and i have to go to school controlling my hunger.

And knowing that i had shortage of money, i only took 969/168 back to tamp central

and walk all the way back home under the scorching sun.

And all that i did not tell you because i know that you're just gonna get angry with me.

And when i didn't go to school, i waited for you at the library for hours.

Waiting for your return just to be with you.

And i had to control my sleepiness sometimes sleeping 1-3hrs/day talking to you on the phone

just to make sure you went to sleep.

First was silence and when i hear you snore, that's only when i put down the phone.

And when you ask me whether i have money to go to school, i said i do but the truth is i don't.

But i don't want you to give me that money because i fear that you won't eat in school.

And sometimes i waited hours at the staircase for you just to meet you dear.

I did this not out of stupidity. I did this out of love. I did this because i care for you.

I did this because i want you to be happy. I did this out of sincerity not for the sake of it. Not

for berbudi or good manners.

Who would do all this for the sake of it. It all comes from my heart. I wanted the best in you.

But i guess it's never enough. I'm never good enough for you. All i ever did was wrong.

And no matter how much my parents hated you, i did not care. I do it all behind their backs.

And when they found out and even if they cry, i still find a way to get to you.

I wonder if my love was ever appreciated by you dear.

Do you really love me? But if you do, you won't surrender yourself and quit.

You would fight for love no matter what right?

How cruel can life be. Here i am feeling like im losing out. But i am losing out.

Now i'm left kneeling on the floor trying to pick up our shattered love, crying bitterly.

What did i do to deserve such cruelty.

x i hope that it would keep progressing

2010-04-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

I hope that this downfall getting better would go on consistently.

It had been really hard for me with my family, friends and him.

So far, in family terms it is getting better.

And as for friends and him, all i know is that if i choose to go back with him,

my friends would hate me. And that's what i chose to do.

I don't know how im suppose to explain this to my friends..

well are we still friends now i really dont know..

But he choose to change and that is what i want clearly.

My way of clothing had change and financially we have settled too.

So now i felt more at peace and no stress about money all the time.

And that i ask him to put family and me at a balance.

And there he let me go meet my friends or family while he strengthen his ties with his family.

And since he is really good in sports, i would love him to go back to his SAF life or work.

And i can see he wanted to try be nice to my friends again.

Wanting to offer them some things and let me meet them and all..

But whats not if i and my friends are not in good terms.

he even felt sorry and wanted to get my mom a bdae present. so sweet of him.

i can see he wanted to apologize for all the wrongdoings he had done

and how much trouble he had cause the people around me.

and the best part even his way of dressing change.

All i can see is he wants to be someone better and im very glad he did.

I am very thankful to have a maid like mine too.

She talk to my mother apparently about me trying to make my mom understand my life.

She's glad that bf change for the better too.

And as for my mom, she didn't restrict me as how she use to.

I wanna find work and school at the same time.

Now, things are coming back to a balance already.

Thank god.

x my survival kit

2010-04-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

Had been going through a rough time but somehow i have come about to accept it all.

I've come about to accept things as what it is now and i've come to think of it like a probation.

For those who know what i've been going through

I hope that you all will keep on understanding me and seriously, im thankful for all the advice.

At 9plus, my mom had called today asking me to go home.

All the trust is gone between me and my parents and then again what's the use regretting.

i have to accept the fact anyway.

Knowing that both my parents had cried for me.

Knowing that i have almost completed the list of things parent's should not know of their daughter.

Almost A-Z that everything is completed just almost.

But truth is there's no way to turn back time. What's done is done. All i know now is i do what i can do to ease their minds for the moment and as for him, i've to learn to either let go or make him understand my situation. If he truly loves me, he would give a space or moment to try put himself in my situation. If he just can't understand, then i'm sorry i have to let it all go. Reminiscing our times just won't help. We have to face reality and most importantly, think of the consequences and the future.

If i do let go, i just want you to know that it all doesn't come easy. It's never easy for me to let you go. Because i truly deeply love you but what's the use if all this doesn't come with any good in my life. I hope that you would change and not have that pure malay character. That character where " kalau orang tak buat aku senang, aku tak buat hidop orang tu senang". That mindset have to go and that follow your emotions completely have to go. It's not the way to survive in this world. Klau nak ikot perasaan jer tak ke mane. Like what people always say," Ikot hati, mati". memang betol. Nak ikot hati sangat sampai tk fikir ape consequencesnye. Da ikot hati sangat, and after that you regret. That is so standard malay character. I'm not trying to insult the malays buts its the truth. it's a very bad thing there. We have to put our minds and heart together to make life a balance and happy one. This world is no romeo and juliet. Nak face the consequences all the time won't help either. What's the use if you keep doing bad things and getting caught and then you still do it again and face it again. Your life is so pathetic that way. Learn from it and make sure you have it all covered up if you do wanna do bad things again.

Just so you know, all the tears i cried for you are pure. It all comes from the heart. I don't cry for nothing and i'm not good at acting either. So trust me, everytime i cry was all for you and always about you. It's either because im upset with myself, you or our relationship. I do care for you so much and i want you to lead a good and happy life.

Anw...As for now, if i wanna go back late or do anything that's gonna break my parents heart..

I've to make sure that i either stretch the truth, tell bits and pieces of the truth or just play with my mind. Even if i went to a certain place, i have to split my mind and make it go another way. Make myself believe that i went to another place instead of that. If anything does happen, just deny and crack my way through. Denying is the best thing to do with your parents because well, in reality it is the best thing to do. I'm not trying to be like some wtf person but it's the fact. I have to make myself believe it so badly so that when i tell my parents, it would seem really true and i'll definitely fight till the end without even stuttering or in anyway to caught me lying.

After what had happen, it becomes part of my learning journey. And as for you Martin, i do love you with all my heart. And i know you felt the same way too towards me.

2010-03-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what's going to happen from now on.. I felt as if i lost everything in my life that matters to me in a blink of an eye. It troubles me deeply, hurt me and crushed me and yet
im trying to find a light of hope out of all this problems im facing.

And i wonder if ive not accepted you in my life 5 months ago, whether i would know how much
i would do for the one i love. Being in love with each other and all those people that try to tear us apart and yet we struggled and pull through. But i guess now, it was really at the peak and you couldn't take it no more. I can't blame you. True. When is this going to end? But it's sad. I'd always thought that one day, everything would be alright. Being in a dark tunnel and at the end, there'll be light that shows that we're free and out. Ive always wated it to be that way. But i guess, it's the end and we're dead in the dark tunnel. Dead and gone.

But it's ok. Life is a learning journey after all. People come and go. But you,
you'll forever be engraved in my heart and i appreciate everything that you've done for me.
All the times that we spent together and all the patience that you had on me,
for all the tears and laughter and crazy moments of ours,
you're a guy that's truly special. Someone of a sensitive soul and so much care you had for me,
and im sure the girl that is going to be ur next lover will truly appreciate you.

x just so sudden

2010-03-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

It was horrible. Try sleeping for like less an hour for the day and go out survive the entire day.

Like chibai. i slept around 4 to 5 in the morning. And then i was out on the run.

Headed to baby's place and watch movie and clean up and well at that moment i felt like

it wasnt that bad to just sleep an hour. I thought it was mere rubbish about us needing at least

4 hrs of sleep to function normally. Then in the afternoon, we headed to his friend's place and that was where the whole terrible thingee happen.

it was so hot and i started to feel my clothes sticking on me and i was there not knowing what to do. So i saw TODAY newspaper and read it. And then i read the first paragraph and the second and the third, and i fucking realize i don't even understand what i'm reading. That got me really frustrated. I tried concentrating harder and somehow i manage to get it all in my head. And i read the next article and then i flip the page and read.. i have to like read one article twice or thrice to understand. and as i start flipping, i realize i couldnt remember what i read before that. Damn frustrating sia..

I got really paranoid anyway. And then i started to feel muscleaches which doesnt help. So i sat and kp on changing position after another and i guess, i was really restless. I wanted to tell baby but heck would he believe me. Its like im at his friends place and i behave in that manner..

controlling was like damn hard. I couldnt seem to put myself together and control my body.

i felt like im slipping away. Well in the end, got back to baby's place and i got sleep for 30mins. Well yeah, now im like having a terrible headache which also doesnt help. Alright. i really need the sleep now. bye.

x dude, so u think u r perfect?

2010-01-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

i had a chaotic wrecking time that just got me busy for months.
but i just don't get things done and over with and not learn a thing
out of it. sometimes as you grow up, you feel like you just wanna
get over the past and you seem to feel like you've learn alot already.
But you know what, even if you have learn a million zillion things
in ur life, you just realize you are still learning.

I don't get people who went ' fana, kau da 19 la.'
But i do what is right which is to just shut up.
Because i know that even if im 19, it doesn't mean that
i should already know everything.
different people learn different things with what experiences they already had.
I see people trying to criticize me this and that.
But you know, i spot their mistakes afterall.

Saying i am "world" but hey so are you.
Trying to put all the blame on me.
You know, orang kate ehk kau peh org tkle buat tangkisnye la.
Don't even know how risky it is to blurt "everything" out?
It's funny how you wanna put all the blame on me
when you know there are other things that you didnt say
because you wanna save your cousins balls..?
Come on la. You wanna say everything out just say..
why try to cover? and still got the cheeks to deny things you are wrong for..
And what's more to use " aku mabok pe. aku tak tau ape aku bobal".
Klau kau tak tau jage diri time mabok, tkmo mabokkan diri.
Pasal gara2 mabok bole jadi hal besar tau tak.

Mentang2 da cukop umor.. kirekan kau pk kau manenye mane..
u get drunk doesnt mean you can say what u wanna like u own the world..
in reality, it doesnt work that way.
da lepas tu hal tkmo nak bobal cam phm ehk..
the people who are there is only the four of us.
But the ones who sees eye to eye bringing all the tension
is only the three of us. don't talk cock la dey..
bobal da gagap beh lepas hal tu bilang org2 laen
mcm kau manenye mane tah dlm tu hal..
tkmo WORLD la ehk kt sini.. aku lagy da cukop ngn kaunye prangai..

aku memang salah at least aku admit.
i face the music. but UNLIKE you ok..
and i did not criticize anyone or talk cock abt anyone in that hal..
i only say what's the fact..
And trying to say kwn aku da cukop ngn aku gini2..
bile tk ngn mataer carik krg..
well i do have my own mistakes..
everyone does..even my friends does..

what i know that others shouldn't know,
i keep it to myself. Like i say, everyone has their own mistakes.
aku tk bynk cerewetnye org la. kwn aku sala cam mane pn,
aku ok go.bole buat tangkis. psl ape psl kwnnye psl.
bukan nak kate jiwe ke ape kepepek.
i dont want my mouth to open to others that will create
problems for them.. all i do is advice and support them as a friend.
mcm kau tu, tkmo pk kau manenye perfect kt sini.
there r things that u dont noe that people do talk abt u.
drg nak bobal blkg aku, aku tk psl la.
tapi niat aku jadi kwn drg ikhlas. psl da lame aku knl drg.
mmg kdg2 aku ngn kwn2 aku bbl blkg each other..
but we always have a mutual understanding btwn all of us.

Haiz. cukopla ehk..
I have alot of serious goals this year.
just gonna be one heck of a bz year for me den..

since when i believe in all this

2009-11-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

ok. horoscopes are not meant to be trusted.

but fuck it. cafeastrology give me the chills.

November 2 A Full Moon occurs today in Taurus in your solar seventh house. The New Moon was all about you. Now it's time to strike a balance with an "other". The seventh house represents an important one-to-one relationship--a marriage partner, significant other, business partner, or an adversary. It's time to strike a balance between your own needs and those of another. It's time to compromise and negotiate. Partnership "tests" are possible now, but so is a chance to truly connect to a special someone in your life.

Talking about full moons and weird and ackward stuff. But reading this make me shiver. Secret affairs, maybe.

And a special someone, definitely.Haiz. i dunno. Life is a haywire.

supperclub madness

2009-10-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

party!party!party!

and i was a wrecked that day dancing and enjoying myself.

dance and dance and dance and i was just too hyper too happy.

the songs are great, mostly. but still the only thing that makes a club party

happening would be the songs and the people.

if you dont really dance and socialize obviously it wont be a fun night for u.

rnb ke trance ke ape tetap joget mcm org giler.

just moving to the beat enjoying with my friends and whoever down there.

i was moving too much and being in the crowd of dancing pple and i was sweating madness.

the crowd were great..saw some rp friends too..and a drunk matsaleh..

it was hell lot of fun that night..

the only sad part was we were singing and dancing.."hotel!motel!"

and suddenly everything just went off. whoever or whatever it is that spoils

hundreds of peoples mood. forever it will happen.

fighting just make matters worst and it will never end.

great! and it was only 3.30am. wtf!

and i and my friends were so drench but we still look perfectly fine..

but can't help when we pass by a group of malay guys..

and they were like "masai pe..masai..masai.."

and i and my friends were like," eh siak ah. kite g club tau enjoy..bkn duk tepi tangkap lawa je "

Like what's the point. u go clubbing just to keep looking good or have fun..

damn nonsense sia.. well whatever it is..i had a great time and thats what the main point is..

ok bye!

losing out

2009-10-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

had been too lazy to post.

but well i had a great eve of deepavali though.

having supper at saffron at 11.30pm.

a late night movie at dwntown at 1.20am.

a riding session at arnd 4am.

drinking and flying at 5.30am.

and back and dozing off at 7+.

wanted to vomit over the ride in the van.

cause the driver did a last minute stunt of swirling the van round and round.

and everyone at the back were like glued to the wall and just stuck there for minutes.

screaming like nobody's business and laugh and laugh while it swirl. Haha.

really funny actually. trance was too in my head and finally got a nice sleep.

watching halloween 2 just make me jerky. standard.

and had not been going to school because im plain lazy. eurgh! when am i ever gonna learn..

and as usual tagged have freaky people in it. haha.

ok too lazy to update. had been having the urge to make new circles of friends

but i dunno why i feel damn choosy over finding new friends.

so im stuck wif myself going out with my close friends all the time.

well woopeedoo .. kinda bored actually.. ok nvm. nitez.

when am i ever ever gonna change

2009-10-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Okay. There goes the lectures and scoldings from mommy again.

Today was about fax machines and computers and afew days back was about smoking.

Kinda get annoyed though cause she woke me up at 10am in the freaking morning

and the worst part was it was raining damn heavily.

The fax machine was kinda giler so i told my mom i couldn't fax a shit.

And she was like " can't u do sth for me for once. im always there for u and u cant

even help me. u r in poly and year 3 summore and u dunt even noe hw to use the fax?"

Fcuk! I know how to use the fax right..but if the fax has gone nuts u cant expect me

a poly year 3 student as she said and whose not even in IT course to fucking fix a fax machine.

Im only good at sports stuff not fixing fax machines..Haiz..

And she knew i was smoking in my room so she woke me at 7.15am in the morning last 2 days..

to talk about me smoking..She ask how many sticks i smoke per day and whether i need help

to quit smoking. But i gave the same old reasons that i do want to stop smoking but not for now.

I know she was speaking nicely to me and not those old days where she use to shout and me

and beat me and all. But still its 7am in the morning. Wtf!

I guess those days are over. u noe when there were beatings and shouts and whatsoever from

my parents. Kinda miss those days. Haha..NOT!

I guess the last she ever tried that on me was last year or last 2 years..

Cause i was drunk and she started shouting and all and i started talking back.

What do u expect i was drunk and felt agitated and irritated that she have to shout at me

as i just step into the house. Then she surprised me with a wooden hanger which she tried to beat me with but i pull the hanger away and threw it aside. Then comes her hands and i felt

like a fanatic for once. I keep on defending and pushing her hands away. She stop trying when i

actually caught her hands with mine and push it back really hard. She was so shock and left

the room. That was the last ever. Haha..not funny actually. But i was drunk. Sorry mommy..

And she started calling me wild and all. Then i say suke ati mak la..

I knew she was keeping quiet till she could try catch me again doing nonsense.

Like on national day where i go home smelling sooo chivas. (i vomitted on my clothes)

But she ignored and so i cant be bothered. Oh well fana when am i ever gonna be good. Haiz.

2009-10-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

Anws had alot in mind these days. Kinda feel insecure and scared. Lol.

damn screwed sia. mat reps are forever matreps. im too lazy to explain.

its sucha complicated story. and afew moments ago someone add me

and here's the conversation..and ouh well i block and delte him right after that..huhu..

today watch darah with muni and zana. great show and go riding wif zyla and home at 12am.

ok im damn tired..nitez..btw heres the conversation wif the sicko..

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

- fana says:

hey

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

u know me?

- fana says:

n u r?

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

u there ?

- fana says:

durh

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

who ?

u dun sombong ah

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! just sent you a nudge.

- fana says:

huh..ape mepek

u add me and ask who r u wad

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

can send me ure pics ?

- fana says:

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

why sey ?

- fana says:

coz i dunno who u r and u r damn annoyinh

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

WOI

irritating sIAK !

- fana says:

giler

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

I NK URE GAMBAR ! NK BUAT GONCANG LA !

plss..

- fana says:

ah tu lagi irritating

k bye

sicko

go find someone else la

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

alah .. rabak per ?

- fana says:

rabak ah

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

alah . u nie barang free per .

- fana says:

haha.nothings free in life. dream on dude

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

but u kan free .

jgn la mcm gini

- fana says:

no. says who..

wtf do u think i am anw

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

kaylah , kasi chance , 50 cents

- fana says:

haha.. im priceless..

just dream on la fuck

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

buat duit tambang

ya u priceless . tkyah bayar la

- fana says:

r u dumb or wat..deres a big difference between priceless and free?

dumb and sick

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

haha . your mak boley per ?

- fana says:

eh dala buang mase ah bbl ngn kau.

k bye

Change MY Acc To Bearbear88@live.com . accept invitations everyone ! says:

alah .

ExhaustedLikeFcuk!

2009-10-05T09:05:00.001-07:00

It's been a hell of a time for me.

With these few weeks going to town alot..

breaking and patching wif him over Tagged issue.(standard)

then Hari raya was super tiring..

Hari raya felt like a bliss to me. Having calls at 7+am in the morning

and out by 10am and go to woodlands,choachukang and bukit panjang.

Da tkle take it dok! So i ran for the teksi wif my heels and yeah cab all the way to tamp.

And pls aku tanak masok campor hal2 org. aku aru jumpe drg sekali

so im not gonna judge them anyhow. tu drg peh psl nye problem ngn laki tu.

and obviously kite tkya kepo2 cause in the end its all up to the guys decision..

And today being the 1st day of Year 3 Sem 2, i was super duper tired.

Sempat maen bowling lepas skola.Hahaha!

And to that minahrep kt dlm bus..tkmo cam phm k.

Masok bus stare2 beh tk perlu ehk ckp kuat2..

"menyemak ah nie budak2 skola nie sume".

Rolls eyes kepe..aku pn give her that hard stare..

but she just walk off to the back of the bus..

Siak uh..nie uh aku tk suke..mina rep kes bobal tk fikir..

mmg nk minarep tu aku tk psl ah..tapi nk attention nie sume..

kutok2 org kes die tu tk sedar diri..menyampah mmg..

she thinks she fucking own the bus or what..

nak sgt naek teksi ah siol..da tepampang kau naek public sia..

nak g beli krete sendiri tkde nak complain2..

asl? tkde duet pe nak beli tu sume..

da g blaja ah sia!..kiwak! org blaja nk duet jadi tk bynk complain..

die tu tk sedar diri da tkde duet nk beli transport sendiri..

public transport pn nak complain pe..

siak uh..u only deserve luxury when u have the certs la fuck!

k2 enuf of her..aku pulak naek bingit..hahh..

time to slp..woohoo.nitez!

thanks alot ehk..

2009-10-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

yesterday's jalan rayer was super duper tiring.

it was the worst ever in my life.

Woke up at 8am in the morning.

9.30am meet at whoever hse at westplaza pasir ris.

and last house at bukit panjang and only reach hme at 1am.

dreadfully tired.

Anws my class schedule is out and it's a freaking nitemare.

I'll be spending my friday's with all year 2s in my class.

Not even a single year 3 sia! and its that stupid subject called Law.

And my tuesday was also a pathetic day which i realize we share

the same subject as one of the office courses.

And guess who is my classmate?

That pervert/molester who told his friends that he wanna fuck me

way back in year 1 and yeah he is my classmate! argh!

i am so gonna hate my semester..

weird conversations & lines

2009-09-29T11:54:00.001-07:00

Talking about weird lines and conversations..

and we were laughing over it all on the phone with my friends..

I just don't get it, you know. Those lines that are not part of the dictionary and

combining 2 words together and make it seem cool or something.

Like when im out with Faiz and he says..

"Chill chill apple ah u.."

(Dalam hati ape siak chill chill apple..and so i was sarcastic and say..)

"Abeh u..chill chill strawberry ah"

(He gave me a huh? face and say..)

" Ape mepek sei chill chill strawberry.u mepek sak u.."

(And i gave him a frustrated look and say)

"abeh u chill chill apple..mepek jugak kn..sape sei ajar u nie sume"

(And he say..)

"enta kwn2 ite i ckp gitu cam cool gitu.."

(ah gasak kau la cool ke tak..sumpah mepek!)

And i keep on getting frustrated being in conversations with guys..

and here u will know why..

(Faiz called me and ask ..)

" u ktne nie?"

" i kt block i la.."

" huh!?! block r? "

" block i la pekak "

" huh?? block r? block r kat mane sei? "

" BLOCK I la BLOCK I ! "

" block i? "

" alamak..si dek ni ehk.. BLOCK FARHANAH OK..BLOCK FARHANAH! "

" Block farha...? oh block u...cakap la block u.."

" i da ckp pe..eh tkpe ehk..tkpe2.."

And i had the most annoying conversation with this guy whom ill refer to as "Y".

i knew him from tagged but i use my fax machine to call him.

dont wanna have him contacting me back again ya noe..

it's like " im bored. and this a one time conversation between us."

(And so we were talking about umor brape..)

Y: u... umor... bra..pe?

F: im 18. n u?

Y: im 19 diz yr..

F: oh same la tu. bdae biler?

Y: oct 25th..u?

F: november.. so i youngerr than u la nie..haha!

Y: huh......tkla...i.. younger..

F: huh..bdae october pe..i younger la..tau tk bulan2 u?

Y: huh..i..younger.. la..

F: huh? u mean u born 1991?

Y: ahhhh..takla..i younger pe..betol..pe..

F: giler ehk..i younger la..

Y: i la..young..er....eh jap?..younger maksod ape?

F: younger maksod lagi mude la..

Y: oh...ok2..kirekan..older..lagi..tue la..nie..

F: huh...ermm yar..durh...

Y: oh..k2..i older..betol2...

( This is HISTORY! he is 18 and he is a dumb and a ass and doesnt know the definition of younger!?! )

( and FYI the reason why i put alot of ....in his speeches are because he talk liddat..nak cakap word susah..i was almost sleeping everytime he finishes his sentence..)

(and the phone conversation continues..and it started to get worst)

Y: asal..ah..u ..potong..rambot..

F: ok pe potong gini..cute wad..

Y: ah u..potong...rambot..ah..da..tk..lawa..sgt ah..

F: ok wad..inye suke ah..

Y: ok la..ahh..orang kate..ape..ah..laen..orang..ah laen..ahh.........ape tu...ah...style

(ckp style pn susa pe..padehal taste eh bukan style..haha..)

(and the phone conversation continues and he start getting melebeh and on my nerves)

Y: u?

F: ape la??

Y: eh..tkya marah...ah..

F: huh..mane ade..

Y: i..tak suke tau...u marah2 ..cam gini..

F: huh?

Y: nanti i marah..u tak suke tau..tkmo..pekek2..i tak suke..nanti..i ..pekek..nanti gado..susah tau..

F: huh..ah ok..

( i just yerkan whatever he say..sumpah da start malas..and yet the worst to come)

(conversation topic is on : jodoh)

F: i tengok my ex sume bynk matrep sei..haiz..

Y: huh..betol ke..but..u look..mcm yg suke..bdk..rilek2..

F: yela..tk semestinye..tapi yg i dpt sume matrep..

Y: mane..tau jodoh..

F: what!?! JODOH NGAN MATREP..what do u mean?

Y: tak..mane..tau jodoh..ngn i..

(eh ok bye..! sumpah tk kene mengene..)

(last part of conversation..finally!)

(silent for a moment)

Y: B...i tak suke tau!..senyap2...cam..gini..tkmo..senyap2 la..nanti i marah..kan susah..

F: huh? ah yela2..i da ngantok la..tu psl...

(dah tk thn buat alasan pn bagos..ahaha..what an ass..and no wonder he speak that way..rupernyer stayback 3 kali PSLE..)

how i did survive the whole conversation..i really don't know.

orang2 ginila yang aku tk tau ape nak bbl susa nk bbl..

da bagos aku nak try fikir camne nak bbl the simplest form..

first call and he called me b and talk as if we are together..

like wtf! and his ahhh..and erm..and saying one sentence takes like forever..

wah..lagi tk tahan..haha..just 2 words for him..2 words..:Ok Bye!

due kali dol

2009-09-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today i cut my hair again..suuuper short..hahaha!

Then head off to town with Murni and boarded 518 express at TPJC.

That was at 4.30 i think..

And so Faiz ask me to drop at Suntec City and so i tried to find the bus stop..

But it's like damn weird because the bus go to Beach Rd?

hahaha. so i panic and then Faiz called..

and said " u..road block. i lupe..u tron ah mane2..picit bell skrg.."

kite pn picit bell la..skaliee dpt tau bus turn abeh masok expressway..

Fana and Murni mind tros blank giler..

Da paisey picit bell..org confem pk tebiat si dek nie..

So we were sooo dead..after all the long ride through tampines

to town to raffles and we are on our way back to where we started.

So we thought of taking train at Bedok interchange..

and we saw a busstop which i press the bell and stood up with Murni

at the door BUT the bus did not stop..

and i gave Murni that pathetic stare and she helplessly did the same thing back to me.

Sumpah dol nak mampos because it only stop at i dunno whr la in bedok..

so in the end we made friend with this businessman who ask if we are lost.

hahaha. da mcm foreigner pe sia..

And finally we drop at Temasek Poly. sumpah buang duet bus!

But Faiz paid our taxi fare from tamp to Raffles city which is super duper sweet.=)

And which cost us like 21 dollars due to xtra charge and traffic jam..haiz..

We had a fun time shopping today.

And so fun there's very little sightings of M&Ms.

So we got the whole seats to ourselves..

Yeah. Went to Auntie hse for rayer. Eat and went home..weee!

what a bummer!

2009-09-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

Just when i thought the holidays are starting to get real fun..

and then there..there it is..ringing in my ears already..school assignments..

" fana..pp lagi 3 minggu tau..3 minggu due date tau!!!!"

" FYP biler nk start nie.. "

Wah..can cry sia. Hahaha!

And with all the pressure frm my relatives..

the " this is your last yr right?"

Wah..id better make sure it is la..or dunno whr put face sia..

all i want is to have fun.

And that Halloween Party at Zouk. I love the idea really.

Dress up as a fairie or a doll BUT leceh dok!

And it's not that i don't like the idea of having many Chinese or Eurasians in the club..

But sometimes you just prefer having your own species there..

Like although it's annoying sometimes but well they are the pple who makes me

feel comfortable and enjoy the night with..

Maybe ill stick to Cash Studio and Hardrock maybe? Huhu. I dunnoe.

Better plan properly cause all this things..this girls night out thingee

happens truly once in a blue moon. And again tmr is pictures galore time!

Cause its cutting my hair time..Weeee!!

And cant believe it..first day rayer da lepak ngn kwn..

2nd day tetap same..and besok lagi..wah.. mcm tkle hidop ngn kwn gitu ehk..

and finally Mommy is ho00me! Home!hOme! yay! (Kallang wave for her..)

hmm alrght need the sleep. tmr's hair appointment at 11am..k2.gdnyte!

2009-09-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's a song made by Murni for me. so sweet kan..=)

And rumah Emmy sumpah beserak! rimas aku!

2009-09-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

Karaoke..haha..hmmm...

and now all my energy is gone

2009-09-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Woopeedoo! it's a fun day after all.

karaoke and singing rayer songs like nobodys business.

we only had to pay 5 dollars for a karaoke session frm 2.30pm-7pm.

Thanks hor very much but at about 6 we couldn't take it no more.

Bought Murni's rayer shoes and what a bum!

we were too tired that i was almost sleeping under the blk.

And i got the most mysterious call of my life this morning after sahor.

I thought it was who la and it was an old friend of mine who just gt in NS.

hahaha! baeeek! aku msg sala org pe..hahaha!

He was laughing his ass off and keep on asking,

" kenal tk nie sape?".

Hati degap degup jer, dlm fikiran kimak! sape sia si dek nie!..

den he was like," alamak. nie kwn lame la yg aru msn semlm"..

i was like syuuk!!! hahahahahaha..

wth. how am i suppose to noe anw.

the only thing in my mind was who the heck wld call me at this kind of time..

talk to him awhile and i slept at 6+..

And yeah basically had less than 4 hrs of sleep and yet i was energetic the whole afternoon.

only afternoon la now like si bei sian. tk bole angkat oredi.. lemah giler..

and oh lupe..lagi satukan tadi lepas karaoke kite duk bawa blk jap..

murni was feeling paranoid with the fact that 4 different numbers kp on calling her

like non-stop. and ppd die low so yar she was realli paranoid like hell.

until now we still dunno who. den diz few kids walk pass us..

like sec sch oso haf but i dunno la. i duwan to judge pple by the cover.

jadi buat bodo mane tau la eh mane tau drg lagi tue ke step mude.

k den one guy came to me and was like,

" kak. kwn mintak nombo."

i was feeling damn tired so dgn suare lemah tengok die and say ," ah? attach ah."

den he kp quiet skejap den said "den ur friend?"

and without looking at him i say," ah same."

im so sorry but i lazy to give numbers around and also too tired to talk.

standard da mls kasi standard excuse laaa..

and i know he must think im some kinda sombong bitch or kakak sombong..

asl kakak eh..tue nah ke aku..haiz.. haha!

and tmr another day of funness with murni, i hope.

huhu.

not liking whats happening now

2009-09-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

the bosan feeling is back.

yes ah! just what i don't need right now. haha.

life's like a damn routine for me.

afternoon with friends. or stay at home.

night with friends or with him and talk2.

i am feeling bored. i need to stretch out.

k tkla. i mean i just want to do something other than lepak. durh.

or i feel like disappearing from him for a few weeks and see what happens..

it's like so not my life. an unhapenning one. which is seriously not me.

im always so happy when life's full of happenings..

and i feel like im stuck in a box and with someone restraining me from going out of it.

it's just driving me crazy sitting in the box for months.

it's not what i want. i want to be free.

i need my own space

2009-09-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

It's kinda like bad timing, i know.

But you know what, i swear im feeling happier with my friends.

That's why i need the space of my own for the moment.

Give me time. I need a break.

Maybe because we meet up all the time or what. I dunno.

Or all the fights that had happen and the unfairness.

I feel more fresh somehow.

I'm more open and i feel so myself.

Not the kind to be restrained.

I'm talking to friends again.

Asking them to call me and started chatting again.

Maybe that's what you should give me, freedom.

Freedom and trust.

If tts something you cant give, im afraid i cant make it.

________________________________________________________

Thanks alot maid! For not waking me up for sahor.

And the last i ate was yesterday time buke.

Sumpah lemah and i can feel the angin all in my stomach.

Rabak dok! 24 jam tk mkn.. cannot stand oredi..

Erm ok..im late again to meet my friends..ill post more tonite..huhu..

a boring day give me steamy eyes

2009-09-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

it's a very boring day. damn i swear its so boring

and i just realize my word search book is like half way completed.

and woopeedoo we fought 3times in less than a week..

ok tak gerek la gado sebabkan.. its just those fights that couldnt really solve the whole problem..

i hate this.. damn sometimes i wish i could rewind time and get back to

that one moment with that certain someone.

i know that im suppose to understand his feelings

but he has to understand mine too.

its not easy u noe.. its just not easy.

and my 1st brother was the laughing gag of the week.

because of him we get a new toyota wish. =)

ok2. the reason is because there was one point of time

he was driving going out of the carpark to turn..

and guess what he hold on to the steering wheel..

and " eh? wtf!" steering wheel tercabot kepe boi..

hahahahahaha! ok it wasnt funny if an accident happen.

but kt carpark so he quickly stop the cark.. lol..

omg. i cant imagine me in his position..

holding on to the steering wheel and realizing its not even attach to any part of the car.

like some action movie or mr bean in fact.. hahh..

okla..gt so many things to do now. cya..

I miss Mommy already

2009-09-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

Clarke Quay - Saturday Night
Bus ride - i know2. i look so happy somehow. haha!

Mom is like away for a day and i'm already missing her loud voice.

Damn. Another 2 more weeks or so before she got back. So boring.

Had been going out with mommy lately before her trip overseas.

And wasn't in the raye mood at all.

It's either coz it's too early to shop or simply im growing bored out of it.

And geylang is so boring too. Oh pls do something different or outstanding..

it's like every year the same old thing and even some shops are like

at the same place they are at last year. Boooriiing..

And been spending time with Faiz and friends.

And my word search book become such a popular entertainment for friends.

Seriously, dekat Clarke Quay pon nak maen..

I have alot of stuff to settle you know.

Im really in need of saving money but i still cant do it.

Birthday after birthday and my hair problem.

I need mooonnneeey!!

Ok. Btw how's my new look for my blog..

Wooopeee..I know it took ages cause seriously when it comes to

this kinda thing, i kinda like to stop half way and forget about it.

Trust me, i have save alot of blogskins which i was suppose to change

but somehow didn't make it. So i took this time of mine to do it then.

And yeah finally done with it. And as for tagboard..

another thingee that i havent had for ages.

Maybe its time to have it back. woohooo..

Ok. I want to sleep but not sleepy yet.

But ok ill sleep now. Tata.. or maybe play wordsearch..

And yar seriously wordsearch helps kill time when you fast. =)

ok2! bye la..sleeping time..nitez.??..morning!

hellouva bebeh

2009-08-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

And again today is another helluva day for me.

It has always been, i guess. Haha.

i had to face my ex again at his neighbourhood.

He ask my friends if they could spare me to go out with him.

Spare? What do you think i am? A dog..or coins even?

Die2 ask me to go out with him. Not a chance la..and i mean it seriously.

Anws we went out taking a cab to grandlink and back to tamp. Huhu.

Just for karaoke. And night time is riding night again.

Weeehoooo! We went to Punggol, Seletar & Yishun.

And get nothing out of it. Because we wanted to see the White house.

I know im soo outdated. But haunted places are never my thing anw.

And disappointed with the construction at Punggol, we wanted to go to Yishum dam.

And going in circles in Seletar like dumbasses. Cause even with GPS(very outdated muthafucka)

who with that stupid loud and noisy woman's voice saying " turn in the roundabout in 200metres".

Well, basically there were no roundabouts. and instead we are turning in circles ourself instead of getting to the roundabout. And we realize there was construction.

Another disappointing result. What's with the places and constructions?

We wanted to go to Yishun to find another way in to Yishun Dam..

And halfway through at the expressway, we realize fuel was a major problem

So back we went to tamp..I and Murni sitting at the back were busy with the Canon camera

With the flashlight and clicking here and there, taking this and that.

Until at one point of time, we saw "something" in the pic.

At first, no one got so anxious with the picture because it may be a trick o the flashlight.

What we saw was a reflection at the window, the "gula-gula".

It's like as if it's in the car. So to confirmed everything, we smarty pants took another picture.

And the leader of the smarty pants which is me was the one taking the picture.

And what i saw freak me out like hell. I was scared to my wits until i rush to Murni.

I went in front of her and was screaming like a lunatic.

That's when everyone was full of it; the anxiousness.

I didn't know whether i was sitting on top of Murni's legs or not.

But what do i care, my mind was going crazy.

No one dared to look at the picture because really this time it look like the "gula-gula"

with the body and all. Damn. Who wouldnt be scared.

I didnt know how long i was in front of Murni.

i was facing her and maybe i even sat on her lap. I dunno. seriously.

People who drive pass us might get so shock to see me and Murni's positions.

My face was facing Murni's and we were both extremely noisy.

Shouting and shouting until Murni wanted to pee. lol.

Zyla driving was bloody kanciong madness and we park at istanbul area.

I got out quickly and we all tried to see the photo's properly.

I after getting out of that car felt relief and presume back to who i am as usual.

I took the camera and took a better look of the pictures.

And guess what, i just feel like laughing.

It was actually a pillow.

The look like the face was a ladybird design on the pillow.

And everyone was like , "ler.."

And the were like , " Lucky you didnt take that photo while we were at Seletar or

we wouldn't even know what to do cause that place so ulu "

But to think back, all awhile i was a scared shit because of a pillow. Haha!

And so we lepak near Murni's house to find some kids, YP's in fact

running and sweating. Then we heard shouts and some of the kids were wearing black.

"Alahai. Zaman biler sak nie sume gado2." That's what we said.

Anw's we were damn coopeartive with the 2 policeman who ask us about them later on.

But not that we are nerds or what but seriously bdk2 gini mmg patot kene tangkap ah..

zaman biler sia..

then zyla ride us home and yeah, im so exhausted after talking to my bf about his ex.

I'm always eager to meet his ex you know.

What i've heard of her and all and everything about her makes me wanna laugh.

Immature freak. Haha. But oh well fana phm2 jer, kids mah..

If she's my age and she's like that, i would have ask her to get over it. Lol.

Nak tipu tak tau agak. You want to manipulate people's mind.

Think again. Wanna try manipulate my mind..come ah.. Give it a try..

okla..so glad it's the holidays.. weeee..!

x i dont give a fuck what the public thinks

2009-08-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

hahaha. its a great day after all.
a day where i dont give a fuck about the public.
it was me, emmy n bf, jack and faiz climbing our way thru the top of mt faber.
only to know we're lepaking with some banglas drinking beer and
getting to see shit of the fireworks.

we on techno siow songs like nobody's business.
well..hello..its mt faber not esplanade.
who gives a shit about 2003 music.
we do. cause its way better than the what the gangsters are hearing now.
talking about the past talking about what if the current YP's try to sound us.
hahaha.what do u noe about the past?
Emmy was sad. cause she just hate it.
But we were feeling it and i was shaking my head and feeling high as ever.
drinking way over my limit.
brings back memories all those songs.

and then after all the vigorous shakings and khayalan over gamgam and million tears..
we were running all the way down mt faber..
as we reach vivo..right near the entrance of vivocity..
we lie down and smoke..
smoke and lie down like we care what others think..
its just damn fun la.
then in the train..i cant stand the sits..
its just way too uncomfortable with the state im in.
then as we reach aljunied..
i was like ' fuck. let me just do it. '
and i face my bf and said ' u. im going to vomit'
and i DID. right infront of everyone.
and i cant stand but laugh.
looking at all the pathetic faces of those who were so disgusted and thought i was ashame or sth.
damn. i? ashame? that was like a fucking big burden brought off me.
i felt so happy i wanted to laugh.
i did smile though. and jack was laughing ass.
Faiz was blur at first. and jack n faiz's friends were like
' nah plastic bag. tissue'.
org tk knl bole jadi kwn.
yg layankan pon the youngsters. cause the older ones seem to hate it of course.
the youngsters we either laughing or going ' baek ah kau. baeknye..'

and jack was like ' fana..kau conquer pe 4 seat.'
i just laugh and put my leg on top of the other seat.
well as you know when i vomit everyone stand up.
i just keep on laughing and smiling like a damn shameless girl.
like i care. when i wanna drop off simei.
i went to emmy and kesat2 the smell from my hand on her..
haha.amek kau!

that was nice. really. everyone should try tt someday.
in the end kat busstop, me n bf forgot our cigarettes. left it there.
cibai.. and home i went.
faiz thought it was cute when i vomit.
im so glad i have a bf like him.
i love u. mane nk dpt beb matae muntah dlm train..huhu..

my mom was at the door and my dad on his comp..
i just talk and talk with my mom.
like i dont give shit whether i smell like vomit or chivas or whatever.
then head to my room and tell my maid the whole story.
i like my maid. shes just damn lepak.
and yar. she advice me on bringing nuts when i drink next time.
true2. totally forgot about tt. lol.
great day after all. kick ass.. woohoo!

x excited over nothing

2009-07-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Got excited over nothing. really.

me & faiz took 12 back home from bugis-marina-clarke quay.

and we pass by the siglap cc at Bedok South.

Faiz was like damn shock to see fence all over blk 46-50.

And he thought it was haunted so i kinda believe and got scared myself.

Not because he said that, that's a minor.

It's sth to do with the fact that im suppose to have a 1st brother but

died in mom's stomach cause she fell. And we use to live arnd there.

Not sure what blk then. And mom use to tell me that she bury him near the cc or sth.

so i thought " wah. if u all want go ghost haunting im nt following."

But when i google..ler rupenye demolish to make new ones jer.

And i live at 100+ near the kubor boyan area also.. haha..false alarm.

thought it could be the talk of the whole place there..but guess not then now. hahh..

Well, mom also bising i spent the money she gave on clothes instead of jeans.

didnt i tell her to follow and she say she kaki sakit and lazy go all this places anymore.

then now bising. haiz..moms are always moms.

and about her. i dunnola. what faiz say is right also..

lupekan saje...buat bodo..

that's true. because im a straightforward person.

i only accept straightforward answers.

so im not going to think and think of nonsense.

and go on wasting time on a wild imagination ride.

i had thought abit but faiz stop me. which is a gd thing.

And all i got and i'll stop here would be this :

2-face: everyone is cause everyone has flaws.

disturb: this one is a big huh for me. really.

but then again.who knows.. your perspective is different..

or maybe misunderstandings..i dunno..

and some are hurt by the posts and tryin to say this & that about she here also no use.

everything will just never end that way.

in my opinion, i thought that was a nice one..

the guy is the girl thingee.. and all along i thought they were 2 seperate people. haha.

and i always refer to she as a friend. but somehow now i feel insecure about it.

cause she seems to be piss off to whomever she refer to in her blog.

not that i hate her or anything like that. but all of us either felt angry,hurt or lost.

thats it. time to slp. and ok follow faiz way. just stop thinking abt it.

and go with the flow. ok bye.

Singapore my home

2009-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

As Singapore's 44th birthday approaches, plenty of activities have been planned all over the island and in RP to celebrate. Blog about your NDP related experiences and send the post to us, and you stand to win a NDP funpack.

Ever since i step into poly life, all the spirit for National Day is not as high anymore. Maybe i was more active back then. To think back, it was one of the most exciting time of every year where we had to design our classrooms with the theme Singapore and all the wacky dances that we have to do together in the parade square on my secondary school's National Day celebration. With all the enthusiasm, i would be swinging my arms and doing the moves that we were taught and be singing," Deep in my heart, I would _____. Right from the start.." Oh well. I forgot the lyrics. Can't blame myself cause that was years ago. When i type this down about the song, it make me smile and laugh a little because I didn't know i was that proud of my own country. Haha.

I still remembered way back in 2005 when i was in Secondary 3, I was a big fan of Taufik Batisah and during that point of time, NDP was all over Singapore and i was at Tampines screaming for Taufik. We went around in our red shirts and blouses to show we are true blue Singaporeans and yeah, was i proud of it. Then, there were people singing the " Deep in my heart.." song again. I guess that song was really popular back then and till now. Back to the point, because of that song, i was gripping my enemies hand and singing and swaying together. This enemy of my is one racist Chinese girl from my school and my friends and I didn't expect to bum into the girl and her friends. It was funny that we were holding hands, singing and laughing together. It shows no matter what hatred, racism or whatsoever that we have with other people, somehow i think National Day just erase it away from my heart. Because all of us Singaporeans and that all of us are proud of it. That similar feeling in our heart brought all of us together as one.

But as a kiasu Singaporean, I'm always interested in the NDP funpack. Why? Because they always have exciting stuff inside and second, it's free. I'm a Singaporean, what do you expect. Kiasu as always. Haha. My father is a primary school teacher, so i'm always the first to search through the funpack he brought bag and try to find anything interesting and the food inside. The only time i ever brought back my own funpack would be when i was in Primary 5. But everytime before National Day is coming up, my family and friends will always try to guess what's the next design for the NDP bag. It's always changing and get's nicer just as how Singapore is; changing & improving. A great mirror image.

Well, I guess that's my experience. I guess i'll be celebrating NDP like i always did these few years. Going to esplanade or any part of town to see the fireworks with my friends. Then watch the second telecast of NDP the next day. Well, although i'm not that active anymore in this NDP stuff, i'm still proud of Singapore and i love my country!

x gibberish

2009-07-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

I dunno why but what's in my mind now is...
this fat girl dancing tectonik, jumpstyle & some sluttish moves.
It's just soooo soooo enta ehk..tau la jumpstyle lagi worst..
jumpstyle what..jump what..when fat people jump..
well tanak cakap papela..

ok. Thanks to some minahs in the bus singing the kantoi song.
It makes me think of how i actually met my bf.
Usually how u met your bf would be..die tanye tuk number kt sini kt sane..
k standard.. but i didnt expect the whole how i met my bf thingee to be soo
complicated. hahh. ouh well..

as i was wanting to say..today so many mats here n there..
and i hope the group of mats didnt hear me saying..
while chewing on a straw.. i went," eh duduk sane ah u..mats!mats!tkle angkat! "
i dunno wassup with me..got too carried away talking gibberish and i end up saying that out aloud. =)

So how i met my bf.. weee..i better save the story before i start forgetting..

It started with my friend who likes this guy name eddy.
I got his number as he sells some things.
So in the end i got a msg from a guy name Faisal and he said he got my number from Eddy.
But i can't be bothered with Faisal and suddenly BOOM!
different guys started msging me and typical saying they found my number in their contacts..
what crap shit.. You dont test my bloody fucking good memory la..

I got annoyed. And so i wanted to get to the bottom of all this unknown guys msging..
and so i started talking to one of them.
Trying to be nice so they would actually tell me who the fuck gave them my number.
And i met this guy Wan and get to know him and all.
So he told me he got it from a friend who is short , fair n has curly hair.
OMFG! Who the heck is that.. And knowing Wan still doesnt answer my qns..

So i brought a friend along and Wan's friend kenal2 with my friend Emmy.
And at one point of time i got to go off early and the 3 of them went to Dbl-o.
Wan's friend was piss bcause Wan dance with Emmy.
Emmy told me everything and like i care because i was contacting a hell lot of guys.
Then i decided not to layan Wan anymore.
So Wan ask his gdfriend Faiz to make friends with me & find out.
But in the end, i told Faiz, Faiz also say it's Wan's fault for dancing with another girl..
and in the end, we got closer.. So i end up with his bestfriend in the end..
woohoo.. =)

And as for the answer i wanted. I got it.
The short fair curly hair guy got my number from Faisal.
Faisal said that i was eddy's ex. Omg..guys do make far-fetched stories too uh?
Well..wtf gitula.. Number kene pass around. But it stop after i change numbers..

So basically Eddy gave my number to Faisal.
Faisal gave my number to a short fair curly hair guy.
This shorty gave around my number like free liddat. Idiot betol!
Wan got it from that shorty too.
Wan started acting casanova and tried being the pimp btwn me and my friend.
Which doesnt work because like we care. We are not dumb people.
My friend told me and i started losing contact with Wan.
Wan got stress for i dunno what reason and ask his friend Faiz to help.
In the end, i end up with Faiz himself. Always unpredictable..haha..

Yeah.. ok..Back to work..I got to finish this FYP shit..

x its been a long while

2009-06-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

it's been a long while since i blog.
and it's been a long while since i was out at night.
and yeah worst it's been a long while since i got sick.

i have that splitting headache occuring again.
Ever since mix liquors went down my throat the day before.

We had a chalet again though this time round we feel like part of it.
As usual and as expected, everyone was crazy.
Crazy, lunatic, fanatic and idiotic. Yeah, a real havoc.
The best thing about this chalet..i like the fact that everyone talks to well..everyone.

I know my Faiz is so jealous..cause he said,' popular ah dier eh kt sane..'
And what do u expect..i know at least half of them there.

We had 4 bedrooms, a kitchen where the toilet bowl no one seems to use.
Durh, its so dark and the window in the toilet is facing the forest. Hahh!
And of course we had the living room change to the dancefloor.
The lights are pathetic ..well at least the speaker is okla..But the music all nt bad.

We had plenty of liquor for the organizers.. 1litre of absolut vodka, i know there's red label..and dunno wad la other bottles..but the one that caught my eye was this alcohol..
Never seen before..i cant even read the brand cause the words too cursive..but what caught my eye was the 105. You know what it means with 105.. it beats the hell out of chivas..johnnywalker and whatsoever normal drinking session kinda drinks..its the HIGHER level of alcohol..haha.

ok whatever. Jack was hell gone in the early morning.
And everyone knew that because he lie down on the floor right beside the pit table.
But okla. Dancefloor only had afew of the moments. Everyone clapping to the beat..
cheering for 2 peeps competing in breakdance. Den everyone dancing and singing like
nobody's business. Some even skank to rnb songs because they were too drunk
and they dont dance rnb. Some doing crappy moves.
Everything was there. shuffle.tectonik.jumpstyle.skanking. and guys acting sexy.
It was fun and funny. And i went back to my room. So we had 2 bottles of chivas.
Then while we were drinking, people keep on coming in and out of the room.
And they went in and talk to us like we know each other for along long time.

it's like they just went in and go to us..and went.." wasssup??" ..
and create jokes that are ridiculous. I couldn't stand but laugh.
I even flick a cigg and it hit on someone's neck.
But somehow he doesn't feel the pain or so. Too drunk i guess.
The whole place was shitty cause people vomit here and there.

And we had a fight with some guy because he mistaken our drinks as theirs.
Until the door break.. Thanks to Faiz..
But seriously la cam sape tk bingit..
we were drinking and someone went in..
and grab the chivas and said..
" eh leave some for our friends. this is our chivas. "
Wtf! and we were like no. thats nt yours and all.
then he was like , " this is our chivas. you want some ok i give you. but leave some for our friends"..
Then he actually pour the chivas into a drink which was just mix half way through.. and
pour more chivas in another cup. Well, whatever it is. It became a fight.
But in the end, drg paisey because they found their drink at the dancefloor area.
Hahh.. i was kinda pissed because i don't feel that drunk and all.
Instead, i had a splitting headache.

Maybe because i mix too much of all kinds of liquor.
From absolut vodka to johnny walker red label, to chivas..
and a cup where they mix diffrent alcohol in it.
But like nice sia the feeling the mix alcohol.
It's like i drink and swallow it..
then i started feeling the burning feeling like shit sia.
then the headache came.

I couldn't sleep and all. Because everyone doesn't seem to stop talking
even though the lights are off. 2 single bed shared between 8 pple.and many more on the floor.
I woke up at 5am because i heard some idiotic group of boys singing techno poem.
Paranoid or what.. went out and was shock to see the mess.
FUcking messy. Everyone was lying all over. 4 on the dancefloor.2 at the pit.
many int he rooms of the floor.
And chibai the toilet all full of vomit.

And i just dont get the people sleeping on the floor because for all i
know everyone spilt alcohol everywhere. Urgh! whatever la.
I couldnt really sleep so we had hotdogs and cococrunch for breakfast
and clean-up the place before heading home.
I slept but wasn't feeling comfortable cause my body's aching.
Maybe the fact that at the chalet we were force to sleep like banglas.
Or maybe worst then banglas. hahh!

Shocking to see too many peeps sleeping over at the chalet.
i guess they were too wasted to go home. many can barely walk straight.
ok. i know it's a bloody long story but hey, the priority here is for me.
It's for me to read back one fine day and reminisce about.
As for readers, well read then. no big deal for me either.
You wanna get piss off with me when you read my post..
then don't read next time. huhu. ok till then..

x too much

2009-05-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

The encounter in the bus on Monday :

And so i was trying to sleep when an entertainer came.
Felt pity for him though but somehow i just cant help but laugh.
We were sitting behind him and i could see that
he was talking and it seems like he was talking on the phone.
That's ordinary right?

But what makes it so not ordinary was
the fact that the phone isn't a phone.
Infact it was a wallet, u noe, those rectangle wallets guys
used in primary school. Yerp he put that on his ear
and he was talking. I wonder what he hear through his wallet though.

Then his mental problems started to show more
when he started looking here and there and playing ChaK!!
with the people arnd him.

He started jumping about on his seat.
And he look at Zyla then me then started laughing.
He played with the poles swinging like a monkey.
And finally when he was going off the bus, he look at us.
I & zyla thought entertainment was over so we were
putting our earpiece back into our ears..

And guess what he did?
He took the 2 strings from his jacket that he is using..
and stuff it into his ear.
Then he was laughing or dunno wad at us and sway around.
Finally to end that show, he gave a flying kiss n went down.
I hope he remembered to take the strings out of his ears though. ;)

Boring school days:

Dark circles below my eyes and even concealer doesn't seem to help.
No more time for games during class period.
And it's all about rushing.
Enduring this few weeks seems like forever.
I still had PP to finish. CE points to finish.
FYP to finish.

2000 report for PP. And another 2000 report for FYP.
I need 2 more diploma points and 13 non-diploma points.
So activities please be damn interesting so i would gain points.

And worst this bloody subject which requires alot of project work.
I hate it. Its like never ending school shit i have to do.
School ends at 3:45pm. But lately im going off at 7pm or so.
Becuase of FYP meeting, PP meeting and my wednesdays were taken
for activities. This is kinda like too much for me.

Well, if i wanna graduate, might as well i'll just pull through the whole year.

And what's with girls asking for guys numbers?:

Well, i have heard alot about that lately from Faiz.
And i didn't expect to see it in front of my own eyes.
I was at Tampines Telepark at Subway.
So i just finish eating and came out the door to smoke.
I look to the left and i saw a group of Chinese girls.
I look to the right and there's 3 Chinese boys.
So I & Zana walk to the right towards the bustop
when 2 of the Chinese girls walk pass us towards the boys.

I thought they were friends.
But it even take a non-Chinese to understand what the hell they are doing.
The 2 girls went to the guys and were pushing each other
and laughing like a bitch..u noe those " hehehehehe"
Then they were pointing at their friends..
and i was like WTF!

I was right though that they ask for his number.
Zana told me so.
What's with the kids nowadays..
The girls showing desperation and cheapness.
The world is really upside down sia.

And they're just like 2 or 3 years younger.
But what kept the gap between us
is the fact that we don't ask for guys numbers
unless we're DESPERATE.

Immature muthafuckas.
Desperate & cheap.
Wow. Kids nowadays. Haha.

I was wondering don't guys go to them and ask for numbers?
I mean it's suppose to be the guys job..
Even i was contacting a hell lot of guys last time
and non i ask for the numbers.
They just come, naturally.

But now, no more of all those.
Find it such a waste of money messaging them,
its fun at first but complicated at the end.
And the dyingness to ride as a PASSENGER on a bike.
And now i find that so lame
because i wanna be the RIDER of the bike or car.=)

Oh well, whatever to those girls.
I dont wish to see that in front of my own eyes again. hahh..

x pix galore

2009-04-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

im feeling damn bored. because oh well it has always been like this.
the day before school reopens. kinda like excited yet wishing that school is not starting tmr.
hahh. well pics galore from my holidays. dirt bikes is not only for guys. =)

smoking and feeling restless before the movie starts. oh well. nice shot.

karaoke-ing with the big boys. a picture taken while waiting for a taxi to come along. free sia..
big boys/boss always have money.. hahh..

since when i play the guitar.. oh yar. way back in sec 2 and it ends there too. now im picking the hobby up again. weee..

me & faiz. erm we look weird, i know. first, the black & the white. Second, i look like i wanns kiss an apek. third, the flash makes faiz look like he got extra tooth or sth.hahh..!

awww..so sweet. except the crutches though. nyehehe.

still karaoke-ing with the big boss and the big boys.

and a cab still hadnt reach. the big boss got irritated though. hahh..those were the days.

fana as usual. hello and goodbye.

x its a MUST farhanah.

2009-04-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

ooooookaaeyy..
tmr is the first day of sem 1 year 3.
and i feel like a lost year 1 girl.

need to reach school early to check my class.
damn motivated to go.
because first : i dont wanna disturb my outside friends if i ponteng.
second: its year 3 for god sake.
third: my gpa is only 2.1 and that's even because the head of my school chose to let me pass.
fourth: i don't wanna make my classmates think im a wtf. (like last sem and the previous one)
fifth: i shouldn't be letting myself be free so much to the point of making stupid things.
ok. so make me motivated!

ONE MORE THING

2009-04-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

great.. i was rereading my post that i just posted..
and my mom came in..staring at my screen..
so i look at her..and she said..
" Hana slalu kt comp nie uat keje skola ehk? tkmo eh tengok porn2 nie sume.."
Huh?? sumpah..Huh??
WTF!

Kimak. Pornography? Last resort ok? Last i watch all those was like
way back in secondary school..
and i was reading this months issue of Cleo.
its tru about the porn thingee.
When u got so absorb with porn..
it kinda affect a relationship..where u expect the girl to
perform like how porn does..those exaggerating moans and faster!fuck me! whatever...!
i just dont get it sia.. ok2..i wanna read my book now..hahh..
and guys pls do not watch too much porn!
its a major turn-off for normal girls.
and i swear it'll pyscho ur bloody mind..

x its a hoax babe

2009-04-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

ive been way busy enjoying my holidays these past few weeks.
And now another sms about my friend emmy fighting with mizbah.
oh great. That's one of the reason i got back early.
we sat under the blk at 11pm. and they started fighting with their voices.
great. so i went off home leaving emmy, mizbah and faiz together.
and i got home getting another msg.
" u..drg gado lagi.." . Haha! funny la..

Ok2. my days had been fun though. Although my mom was way too noisy that
i go out everyday in the afternoon and came back at 12am.
i saw the early signs of relief in her when i said im starting school next week. =)
whatever it is that i do ( which i literally forgot )
it must have been l4d, drinking, karaoke, shoplifting and lepak session.
trying to quit the shoplifting. Really bad for my mental health.
cause the more i steal, the more i wanna steal. Get what i mean?
It's really getting into my mind until i have nightmares of it.

ive been not only sleeping at home due to watching tv, l4d in my mom's laptop and this book.
oh! and guitar too.. see? im doing things and not just sitting around doing nth..hahh!
and my mom still complaints.. tido complain..buat bende pon complain..haiz..

so today we're suppose to have 9 pple with us for our drinking session.
kinda like the last celebration before school reopens. hehe.
and yet only 2 pple turn up. which is me and emmy.
luckily i manage to psycho faiz to come.
He has a big cast on his leg which i was tempted to either tickle, sit on it,
draw all over the cast with a marker and play around with his crutches.
he got really irritated. but too bad he can only go " argh!" . =)
so sweet of him to come. mizbah came with a wheel. Yes, a bicycle wheel.
he put his bike somewhere at the first floor of the CC
and brought a wheel along because he dont have a lock. Clever of him.
So we were at the 4th floor of the CC when the lights all close.
Then i walk around and found out that we couldnt use the stairs as they were lock.
Yeah. Did some stunts. Chey!
climbing thru the railings, jumping on the aircon shit and jumping on a dustbin.
That's how we manage to get a handicap with crutches, a wheel, 2 bottles one coke and one liquor
and 2 girls and guys out. Haha!

so yeah. before all that drinking thingee happens, i and emmy went to play l4d
at Elias CC. I got paranoid because some idiots just dont want to save us..
who had died along the way because the other players are so selfish.
i got mad extend another hour and went ," pukimak btol..chibai..tk tau nk save pe sia.."..
Well the game freaks arnd just look at me, stunned.
So we got out satisfied that all survive the game in the end.
And we saw a group of chinese guys with tattoos outside a lan game shop.
We walk pass them and look behind afew seconds later.
They were fighting. I just don't understand.
Fighting during lan gaming. Last resort ok..
A group of the chinese guys walk pass and were saying..
" ( whatever in chinese ) get standby ah..kanina"
Erm ok. whatever.. peace..

then being near the CC. it remind me of an incident a week back..
when i took the bus 28. some girl sat beside me.
And i know i was damn slack with minimal make-up and jeans and shirt.
first she was playing arnd with her Ezlink..then step tengok2 at the Ezlink..
then look2 at me like im some kid. i cant be bothered anw..n
yela2..mentang2 ite. confem 1st year. that's what i do when i first got that ezlink anw.
then she took her phone and put it at her ear.
so i couldnt see the screen..and the way she talk mcm ..well u just know when someones
faking a phone conversation..
" ah tu ah..(silent) k2. (silent) jack daniels ah. (silent) " and she put down.
WTF! the whole conversation doesnt make sense.
And mind you, i wasnt eavesdropping. its those too loud im force to hear kinda thingee.
its like jack danials...and done? who the fuck does that..
unless the other party accidentally put down..
but bullshit..u'll just call back anw.
and i was giving that piss look, you know..
muni who sat across me was like looking at me knowing sth wasnt right..
the girl gt off the bus, finally!
and hell yeah..jack danials.. i can do that shit too ok.
but sorry im nt that immature to do that crappy act.
i think i can fake a better conversation than she does.
eurgh! so kirekn ape? oh aku da ite uh..da cukop umor ler..
well..i guess she's fooling no one but herself.
18 is sooo last year, my dear. well for me. i dunno abt u..
ok whatever la.

so last but not least..i wanna talk about the 22 july tsunami prediction.
Erm its really lame that just because there is an eclipse, a tsunami would be form.
how the heck does an eclipse link with an earthquake underwater anw.
whatever la.. some of my friends were like..ala..aku g mount faber ah..
erm its nt like the only way to die is thru tsunami right..
accidents, sudden death, heart attach, etc. Haiz..
another whatever issue.. hahh!
oh well i was motivated to go to sch on monday.
but infact, i cldnt get into leo.
i called the fucking sch and no one answered. fantastic!
so they expect me to know what time is my class..and what bloody class im in?
and furthermore yandao had been suspended. so what?
i go to sch at 7am and ????? ...
ok fine. ill go to sch on monday in the afternoon and check my clss then.
so much of motivated and shit like tt.. forever sia..
k2. i got to ifnish reading this fascinating bk..hahh. till then..

x sick

2009-04-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

i know that im like so bloody dumb when it comes to prepaid cards ok.
but to hell with it, im changing back to line before April ends anw.
So everytime i wanna buy a prepaid top-up, my friends are like
my consultants and advicers on what and which to buy..

So after further advicing, i bought the happy $128.
And i didn't top-up first because i still had some balance left.
So tangan gatal..standard..i went to scratch the number..
And so we were waiting for Zana, omg i swear it was soooo long!!
Had to wait like more than an hr before her hair is finally done being layered.
So during that 1 hr, i and murni sat outside on some pathetic chairs
doing dumb things that only bored people would even thought of doing..
so i sat there and started cleaning up my bag.
So i saw the prepaid card and stood up, walk to the dustbin and threw it away.
I sat back and 15 minutes later, i realize that i havent top-up my card.

I havent top-up and i already threw away my top-up card.
So i rush to the bin, luckily there was a cardboard on top and my card was on it.
Sumpah naseb..denga2 nk korek satu tong-sampah tuk tu card.
wah..i swear i cant wait to use my line back..
so troublesome using prepaid.

Ouh well cant wait to karaoke later today.
its zyla's birthday..so yeah HAPPY BDAE ZYLA if u're reading..haha..

and ouh yar!! OMG!!i cant believe my brother is that dumb.
i dunnola. maybe his mind is too preoccupied with the umrah trip.
Yes! My 3rd brother went to umrah, believe it or not. so random infact.
Even i was shock.. this mat rempit who smokes and lepak till 4am and clubs
suddenly wants to go umrah..wow! thats the most random thing ive heard in my whole life..

mane tau die da berubah la kan..i thought so too..
check2 balek umrah kat ruma da bbl with the whole family..
he was already siaping to go out..
and it piss me off ( i really dunno y) because he pick up his hp..
and went " eh ujan sia.. aku mls nk pakai raincoat.. nanti naek motor confem basa"
wah..saba jer..so much of change ok..
and worst i went into his room and on the table was his lighter and poker cards.
Fantastic! sumpah aku tk phm la ehk..

And oh back to the his dumbness and his preoccupied mind full of umrah stuff..i guess..
he wanted the l4d game from my laptop..
i just shut it down and put my lappie on the dressing table..
when he came and ask to transfer the game..
baek..siang2 tanak tanye..org nk tido baru nk tanyer..
so the conversationg goes like this..

Bro: Game tu brape GB ah?
Me: arnd 5GB gitu ah..ade hard disk ehk?
Bro: Ahh..tkde ah..ade nie 2GB nye thumbdrive jer.. tarok half2 dulu ah..
Me: Ok2..siak..lame pe nk tunggu..
(10 mins later)
Bro: eh lmbtnyer.. cmne ehk.. nk tarok lagi stenga lagi..
Me: Pakai adeknye mp4 uh..ade 4GB.. tapi ade lagu2 la..cnfem tk cukop..
Bro: ah2 eh..ala..eh mp4 ade memory stick ehk.. abng ade memory stick psp 8GB bole tarok dlm mp4 tk?
Me: tkle uh..laen model sei.. asal tanak pakai psp jer masokkan game kt dlm situ jer..
Bro: ah2 eh..tkye ah..k2..

wah.. fantastic to the max.. psp 8gb tanak bilang siang2..ade ati lagi nak tarok memory stick psp dlm mp4..wah..sape ajar tah..giler.. hahaha.. k2 i wanna slp..so tired oredi.hahh..actually gt alot more stories but nvm la..tired oredi..

x weird

2009-03-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

weird that im back.
you know, mia-ing for two weeks felt like two months.
and i realize that i hadnt been wearing home clothes out for more than a week.
clad in that black robinson's polo tee and black pants and black pumps
makes me feel so black..hahh. k whatever..

been so long since i went online too.
cudnt find the time because im only home at night to sleep.
and folding clothes at expo is a nightmare.
it's like a never ending job and im glad it has all ended.
now just waiting for the pay to come.
robinsons pay and also wildwildwet.

i had been in a boring tired dull kinda mood this few weeks.
ignoring the laughters and dont even feel like blogging actually.
nvm. im just damn tired. and these days the shitty feeling came back.
had been reminscing abt the past too much.
even in public and tears started to spill out.

and knowing another guy.
i mean his fine and all except one major turn-off point abt him.
that one terrible night makes me think twice abt him sometimes.
his great and all but its just not the same. thats why.
everytime i felt like trying to be in a relationship,
i'll end up thinking abt the past.
it always comes back haunting me.
i know its hard getting that kinda feeling back
but oh well whats over is over.

damn. my eyelids heavy oredi.
of course la...woke up at 7am.. been that way since last 2 wks..
cannot tahan..but nw i can enjoy again..
enjoy b4 sch reopens..yeah..

x shock n tired

2009-03-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

Too much feelings today and i felt so tired and traumatized right now.
After all, it's another day of work.
And another day of being alone during break time. Sad uh.. Haha..

Ok. I really don't feel like laughing right now.
Just got back from my friend's place although not that close
but still.. no words can describe what i feel now.
Maybe traumatized..

Wani got sack from wildwildwet and that was funny. Hahh..
So im alone again in that bloody work.
And then again i felt like punching all the customers at robinson's..
You know why?Because i have to fold n fold n fold the clothes
and yet it's still bloody messy.. Because the customers just took all the
nicely fold clothes and throw it in the bin. Fuck la..
And after cleaning up, the most shocking news yet reached me.

His death was too sudden and all the memories of him flood back to my head.
All the zouk moments, void deck moments, keep seeing him in the bus moments..
and there someone was telling me , " die da meninggal dunie."
I felt too shocked and suddenly felt cold and all.
At his blk, seriously it seems like an East Spring reunion.
Some like normal some crying..
Just felt odd though and the news still cant be accepted in my head.
I just dont want to but i have to. Ya noe what i mean..
His close friends must have felt even double the traumatized than i am.
Well, I cant comment much. ill just end it here..
dont wanna think too much anymore.. nitez!

x pretty busy

2009-03-22T09:12:00.001-07:00

I think i'm born to ride bikes. Haha!
Tried this guy's dirtbike and the second time i play with his bike,
i was already at gear 3, quite speedy and going up and down slopes.
Woohoo. Can't wait to get a bike license after im done with my car though.

Anyways, i didnt come to work for three days.
The first day because of Faiz. Hahh! idiot..
tempting sia to cabot. padehal da dekat ngn expo.
then suddenly feel so lazy after joking2 around with him.
second day is because of kenduri.
And kenduri was very annoying.
Because of my small anak sedare's who kept on tickling my feet
when im playing comp games.
And today because basically im plain lazy.
But oh well tmr will be another day of working again.
damn boring sia. shudnt have turn up for the interview at all.

oh well nth funny had happen this few days.
im not that belo either..
but i found a new interest with dirtbikes.
Now i know how to start,stop and change gear and many things la about bikes.
Just that havent reach the point where i wanna do stunts..woohoo.cant wait..

And yar, at 11:10pm i was at my friends place at pasir ris..
then my mom called. i didnt realize the call so she msg me.
I thought nk mara ke ape ehk..
skalie the msg says," u dah balek hari ni last day sale belikan berus gigi n obat gigi".
i was like wtf! pk mara balek lmbt skali suro belikn bende gigi pulak.
n denga2 robinsons sale maseh bukak pe kul 11. haha..funny la my mom.

Anws im just really sad.
i dont even know why god wants us to meet on that day.
fated as you say? fated to what? help you by borrowing my money?
i miss you too but when you said , " i susa sng carik u".
i was like thats when everything struck me.
i got really furious and i dont think twice about lending you the money.
you know why? senang you carik i? bile mase..
you senang u enjoy bile susa baru carik org yg sygkan u..
tau pon kawan tkle harap..bole admit lagik..
haiz..and fuck la..u wanna get the money from me..
and dont mind wasting cab fare to get it from me..
you know what you can like fucking hell use that cab fare to pay abit for your financial prob ok..

and to think back,
that's just bloody dumb.
And i know you're lying to me.
And why didnt you even think about getting a lawyer way before hand..
sekarang baru nk menyesal..
you never learn dear..you just never learn..
And i dont know why god make me fall in love with sucha disastrous guy..
ape naseb aku.. haiz..
it's really time to let go. but sometimes it just feels so hard i wanna cry.
And whenever i tried to put u aside, i dunno y..
people just seem to know u..and everything is about u..u and u..
i just want you to realize that one day..
people who love you might just leave u
because u r such a pain in the ass.
But i know how your family members feel.
its like u deserve it but somehow we just dont have the heart.
haiz..please god make himrealize his senses.
sometimes i just couldnt take it no more..

x busy as hell

2009-03-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so tiring i thought i can faint anytime.
Went for the first day of work at Expo RObinson's sale and it sucks.
But the friends i made were all really FUN people.

I made friends with a whole group of chinese boys whom i realize
talk non-stop about everything from 9am to 6pm.
I was close to this guy whom we called " balls".
Cause he was the only smoker ive known yet.
And there was this girl who is sucha sadist.
All the boys couldn't help but disturb her because she was just too sadist
and really can psycho people's mind kinda girl.
She talks like she's gonna die, her skin is too white and whatever she says
is like just so sad. Haha! Funny la.

She says , " Omg! Am i that really sadist? I have sucha a short life. Im gonna die soon."
Try imagining that with a soft monotone voice.
And her eyes like half-way up and really look so so sad. Haha!
There was one part where the girls and guys were separated.
When we got back together again during a briefing,
I found out that whatever job we did were ridiculous.
The guys had to do pricetag on girls undergarments and bra's.
While we girls were digging through men's underwear to stick some shit in it.
I mean it sounds wrong but we're suppose to stick the signs under the underwears.
Very annoying job, i swear. So that day was over.
And yeah, tomorrow im wroking night shift.
So ill be MIA-ing from my friends for a moment.
And if you do come down for the sales,
come talk2 with me at the MEN's section. Haiz..
Asal la men's section..so wrong..

Anw today, i did threading for my eyebrow's and went to Elias.
So i was trying on the pants my friend borrowed to me infront of 2 girls and a guy.
Cause i was wearing these loose shorts although it's size 6, it's like size 12 or sth.
When i sayed " eh okla nie pants. just right. " i pulled it down.
And i scream. Then my friends started laughing.
Right under that voiddeck, PUBlic summore..
my underwear can be seen.I pulled both the pants and my shorts down.
Faiz was already laughing.
OMG! another embarassing moment sia..walao..
Luckily i didnt pull all the way down sia. Chibai..
SO embarass like fuck..haiz..whatever la.

K2. need to rest and save energy for tomorrow. nitez..

x toilet problem

2009-03-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

its normal to have problems with school or workplace..
But somehow i just realize that i'm having problems with toilets nowadays.

You know, all those pathetic leg of mine pictures, it all started with me wanting to pee.
Raining damn heavily and i ran to the staffroom and fell right at the door.
That's how i broke half my toenail. Haha!

And yesterday i went into the male's toilet.
Omg! I swear that was embarassing.
I was trying to hide from Faiz, and wanted to run into the toilet.
So i went in the boys toilet and Faiz was shouting , ' Eh sala toilet oi! Sala toilet'..
And you know i was playing hide and seek with him so i thought he was joking.
So i was like , ' Ape?Ape?'..
And one apek came out of the cubicle and look at me and say
' Girl. Wrong toilet la.'..
I went out, saw Faiz laughing like hell and ran to the girls toilet
and shouting ,' Zana! Omg im so embarass!!!!'..
Well, Zana wasn't helping either bcause she laugh after i told her the whole incident.

And today i and Zana went to watch My Bloody Valentine 3D.
It was great. The only shouts you can hear are from the girls. Haha!
And the bloody dumb blonde makes everything so funny.
Anyways before the movie..
Zana went into the handicap toilet 4th floor at TM.
I waited outside and in my mind was,' Si deknie berak pe sia..peh lmbt'..
So my phone rang and it was Zana.. First come to mind was she was out and couldnt find me..
Even better..i pick up the phone and..' Oi! Aku stuck sia kt toilet! Tolong aku!'..
I almost burst out laughing anw..And seriously the handicap door was stuck. Haha!

I didnt know what to do. Skalie at the side got this number la on toilets..
Naseb Zana la cause i go and call and say..although its weird but i did say..
' Hello. Im sorry but my friends stuck in the handicap toilet at the 4th floor.'
The security guard came and couldnt open it either..
And he ask , ' Ur friend handicap eh?'..
And i laugh and say no..
And he said , ' That's why la.Nt handicap..see what happen..'
Tu la Zana. Faiz wasnt helping because he just laugh and laugh and said..
' Ask Zana pass the tickets from below then i and you go watch the movie la..'
Haha! And yar the movie was about to start by then..
Funny sia..In the end i said..hw come the door like loose so i said to zana..
try one more time to unlock..i push the door so as to make it tight..
and in the end it open.. And we walk off..
The security who went to find another person to help confem bingit nyer..
because we just walk off without informing anything..
Oh well we were late for the movie ok..

And on Sunday, can die sia.. You know my pathetic legs right..
it got worse because more scratch marks and blue blacks appeared..
And my butt became sooo blue black it look like really ah someone abuse me liddat.hahh!
Well, it was the most tiring working day of mine.
Serving more than 10000 people at wildwildwet.
And the bloody manager still got the cheek to say..good job..and we have another family day on the 21st march..Nak bet im going to take MC that day..i dont care.. Hahh..
Okla. i need to sleep sia..tmr working summore.haiz..

x exhausted like fcuk

2009-03-06T07:08:00.000-08:00

Top: The peeled skin on my finger..
Bottom:A view of my bloody legs. With the bandages and the blue blacks..Sad sia..Looks like someone just beat me up or sth..

Top: my butt with the skin peeling..it was way worst when i just fell because it look so red and more disgusting..
Bottom: Another full view of my pityful leg.

Top: My bandage toe and bandage covering the blisters..
Bottom: The long scratch on my leg.
Bottom: The most pleasant picture i could take of my leg. Hahaha..

I really had a busy time. Haha!
And yes, i met with a very disastrous painful embarassing accident yesterday.

As you all know, the weather bloody suck these few weeks.
And the fact that there's thunderstorm and heavy rain at unexpected timings
makes it really difficult for me to work.

Everytime there's a bloody warning of thunderstorms, we have to go down the steps
and go to the meeting area. I'm working at wildwildwet and the stairs, bloody hell,
can exercise sia go up and down.

First, it was fun having to test the rides and stuff.
But when i'm ALONE taking care of the Ular2 top,
which is fyi the 6 sitter big float where u all sit as a family or so,
and go down the BIG slide, i had a major hard time working.
Dragging the big boats, stopping the boat from going down yet,
stepping into the water, going out, having to listen to the walkie talkie at all times,
and worst not knowing the time, makes me wanna cry on the spot.
I had blue black bruises on my legs and my skin peels.
Eurgh! I peeled the skin, durh. And make matters worst cause when it touches the
chlorine water, it feels soooooo painful.

So in the end, it was rotating shift time.
So i sat at the waterslide relaxing and calming down from the hardjob
at the top..Then it started to rain sooooo heavily.
I thought ' pity wani to be working under the heavy rain with no shelter
at that 6-sitter boat shit..'..
Yeah, she was soaking wet and i wanted to pee.
SO i ran..Ran and ran and ran and sllliiip..
haha! ok its not funny la actually.
Pain like fuck.. ran to the toilet and pee..
my leg hurts shit and my butt was like wahlaoeh..
And when i look down..OMG!!
my toenail was broken halfway..Blood was spilling out like nobody's business..
and it was cutting thru my skin..
I panic and panic shit i tell you..
Wanted to put plaster but my crew saw it and called the medic.
Fuck..was it painful cutting the toenail..and my toenail left half. So sad..
Bandage and as you know, news fly fast.
And everyone knows about it in like less than afew minutes.. Haha.
So much of pitying wani. Now everyone pities my toe. Hahaha..

The leader send me home early because i was limping.
And had nothing to do so i met some guys.
Fun playing arcade with them..
Make me smile because whatever shit they do reminds me of my gd friends and i.
Movies, arcade, lepak anywhere,no arah tujuan, food, bubble tea.. Same old thing.. =)
Went home late and it was raining. I think because Faiz was singing the whole time..
haha!

Ok. Let's talk about today.
The whole plan today was suppose to be just about me and Murni.
Not that we are lesbians but we wanted to karaoke.
Went to orchard then to grandlink.
And this idiot called me and in the end, the whole karaoke room was filled with boys.
Riiight..so much of private singing and shit like that.
Cab all the way to 929 ate and went home.

Anw omg. I swear i pity my leg. It looks like someone just beat my leg up or abuse me.
Haha.. And i'm still suffering especially when i bathe.
You know, the feeling of pain when you have blisters and you bathe right..
imagine triple the pain. With blisters, a broken toenail, a long scratch on my leg, blueblacks,
peeled skin on my finger and peeling skin on my butt.
my WORST NIGHTMARE.i swear..hahh..

Also,
three days ago i went drinking..And it sucks.
Because before hand i ate MCspicy Upsize..maid blanje ok..
susa tau nk dpt maid blanje.. and maid yg leh teman isap rkk..
best tau.. and i had peach milk tea..
So in the end, i vomit something pekat..
because i forgot we're not suppose to drink milk before drinking.
So yar, i vomit,been a long time since i vomit..
and there i was vomitting..peach milk tea..with pearl summore come out..haha!
ok that's all..

x i want a cat

2009-02-28T03:40:00.000-08:00

OMG!! I want a cat or kitten!! Argh..
Ok2. That would be added to the list of future things i want when i'm married. Haha..
We went to Frankle Ave at the Petstation and the cats and kittens are bloody adorable..
The price also very adorable indeed. =)

For a British shorthair or a Persian, it cost like $1800-$2000.
Mintak ampon la price dier..

So we had prata ice-cream, roti john cheese and i duno what zana buy
but it's bloody pedas. And another weird night i'm gonna have
cause i'll be out watching a movie with my mom.
She wanted to watch Slumdog Millionaire and my father already watch.
Padehal aku pun da ngok, but for my mom's sake ill accompany her. Hahh..

Ok. im bored..

x to that someone

2009-02-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

i'm starting to lose all faith in you.
And from the way i see it, i don't think you'll ever make it anywhere.
A guy who would rather go to jail than paying a $200 fine
is like a fucking dumbass, ok.

Sometimes when you tell me all your problems,
i wondered should i tell you what's right.
But i know better than to say that.
Because you don't want to listen.

You don't. And you think that everytime you pray,
with all that setan in your body,
all the sins you did,
god will forgive you?

I'm not saying that i'm god.
I'm not saying that god is not forgiving.
But what i know is that you only pray
when you are in great trouble,
when you are filled with too much problems to handle.
And when all the problems had ended,
god you put aside.

Tell me why should god help you then.
I don't see the point.

Let's just say since you are doing too many shit now,
might as well put your ambitions aside.
Cause you're not gonna make it.
Let me tell that to your face,
unless you're saying money falls from the sky
or you win big in a lottery.

Fuck that ambition when you're going to jail.
Fuck that prayer when you fuck girls like nobody's business.
Fuck your brains for not thinking enough.
Fuck your life for all the miseries you're creating for yourself.

I know you're thinking who am i to you
to say all this about you..
But i'm telling you i am someone who see's reality
the way it is, who see's life the way it should be.
i don't live in fantasies my dear,
that's why i'm telling you to WAKE UP.

I'm telling you all this because i still care for you.
And i know deep down you're one of my precious one.
Please, please stop all this.

See it for yourself..
Try seeing your future..
What job's wants you?
Drugs, N Lvl, Ex convict, tattoos..
And all that shit is just pulling you towards hell anyway..

Go and think la.
You don't live forever.
You don't own this world.
Go do something about your miserable life.
( i hope reading helps better.)

x bored

2009-02-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

Above & below : Boat Quay Mac. Chilling at Chillies. ; )

Above: Girls during countdown.
Above & below: Picture galore while waiting for movie to start at Yishun.

Above: Posing posing kepe..
Below: Finally..a picture which look like me. Haha..

erm..dammit. i really cant remember what i did yesterday..
oh ok..when i said i cant remember then i rmbr.. wth.
went to tamp mall play basketball and lepak.
and today met aizat, play basketball and lepak.
aizat went to boonlay and me and muni to aljunied.
go acca eat ananas cafe and went back tamp.
played basketball and lepak.

Ok2. That's just the details ok..
I realize that i did the same things twice today.
Get what i mean?

Basketball & lepak with aizat in the afternoon.
Basketball & lepak with muni at night.

And i told murni," you know, it really seem like some fucking dejavu."

Today is filled with weird conversations with different people. Kinda weird and funny
but yar..oh well ill explain it somewhere below..

anws i went to the arcade twice right.
Until i make friend with the counter guy.
He was shock to see me at night again.
And now he is going to think im an arcade freak pulak. haiyo..
And even better that he is kinda cute for a chinese. ;)
Just that he got so use to me he started to make a joke with me or sth..

Erm like..i came to the counter and he act shock..
And i said ," change one dollar ah".
And instead he gave me no token.
Then he said," say sorry first then i give."
I was like wtf..and ask , " say sorry for what"
He replied ," for making me shock."
and i went," err..ok.sorry then. "
Issit a normal chinese joke or what..
cause i swear i don't get it..

And sometimes while i play basketball, he was at the side watching.
Sebok je sia..tau la aku regular kat arcade tu.. Hahh..
Now i sound like an arcade freak. ok fine whatever.
And OMG! Aizat sucks at Basketball..
Because of him i couldn't even make it to round 2.
So rolls eyes. I was laughing all the way because he really couldn't throw a ball at all.
So i didnt manage to throw much hoops. Fuck la. waste my money..

And oh now i remember..
While waiting for the freaking slow 39 to come,
i went to buy Winston Red's at this chinese shop at afghan.
I went to the antie la. And someone was behind me.
Some chinese guy clad in smart clothes.
So i said.. " Antie, one winston red's."
A : Ic? I need to see ur ic..
Me : Ok. ( showed her ic)
A : ( she look at ic ) Eh now ah i cant sell ciggarretes anyhow ok. Very scary you know..
Me : Erm ok..
A : I know la u come here before right. I think i rmbr ur ic..
Me : Erm ok..Can i have winston red's now.. ?
A : Cannot.. Your birthday not yet la girl..
Me : But im eighteen. ( i was really starting to get annoyed. )
A : Your birthday not yet lei. 1990 lei..
Me : ( i felt like strangling her or knock some sense into her head right then.) You count la.. I eighteen oredi la..
A : ( She talk to customer at the back and gave him next chill. )
Me : ( i was bloody embarass oredi. ) Antie im not 1991 people ok. Im 1990.
A : ( thinking with her head tilted up abit and looking up) Oh yar2. sorry2. Oh i forgot la. You eighteen oredi. sorry ah gerl. sorry..i try rmbr u next time..
Me: it's ok. ( yar riite.)

Yar. i spent like 10 minutes in that frigging shop..and you better rmbr me ah antie..
im like a fucking regular there and suddenly u disappoint me today.. walaoeh..
Can't believe she thought i was underage..

Dah kenape kan.. im always buying ciggs at 7eleven. went to 18 n above clubs n
worst im already taking driving prac.. wah chibai ah antie.. i embarass ok..

Anws i was about to go into the arcade with aizat that aftanoon..
and i saw fatah coming out frm there..
so here goes..
fana: eh kau..
fatah: ape kau buat kt sini?
fana: nak maen arcade ah..
fatah: kau umor brape nie?
fana: aku da legal la.. 18 ahh..
fatah: beh da tau 18 maseh maen kt arcade...
fana: eh akunye pasal la..whatever ehk..
( blablabla.. )
and i just dont get it why he ask me that..
he is 19 and he went out of the arcade right in front of my own eyes..
how dumb..

Ok now i have to call aizat..i totally forgot..arghh..i said few mins..now 20 mins oredi..shit. k bye..

x unbelievable

2009-02-18T08:03:00.001-08:00

it's just damn weird..
im like contacting with a guy 2 years younger than me..
and yeah it's really just weird especially the fact that i don't
date people younger than me.

although his messaging sumpah YP gilernye..
dala english alamak F sia.. and knowing that i suck at mly..
im forever trying to type in eng, n there he is trying to reply in eng.
Oh god! always ok i have to like read his msg 2 or 3 times
to understand what the message is conveying.. damn..
k2 eg eh..lemme scroll to a random msg first..
ok err..here goes..
"i felt reluctantly but i have 2 say tat im startin 2 lot n i dnt noe y..hais!
i hope u dun mine sweetie..im reali hopin 4 tat lar seii"

it may look like i press the wrong key on my keyboard.
but hey that's exactly what he send me..
if type wrongly pt msn atau blog tkpe tau..
nie msg ehk.. and i dont think reluctantly is even typo..
maybe the lot part..im still trying to figure what that means.. haha!
n sweetie just makes me go "ergh!" cause if he noes me well,
i hate mushy2 words.. just oni when the time is right and the place is right..
and lar seii..omg lar seii!!! LAR SEII!! sumpah yppppppp...;)

and u noe i dunno whats with me and playboys..
i mean serious playboys..
somehow when i get to know one of those,
people will start warning me first.
Then i'll be cautious of course..
but it's more of i like to see how far they can go.
im not those EASY girls so i always test them like crazie..
and infact i always make them fall in love with me..
and they always think that im somehow different n shit like dat..
i swear i didnt do any shit to make them think of me that way.. erm..ok..
haha..whatever laa..

and fuck..2 days straight im at smewhere in sembwg..
cant believe it..so far summore.. haiyooo..
and shit..all of u must watch Slumdog millionaire..
freaking great show.. its so nicely and smoothly done kinda film..
and touching in a way..
watch that show with bonzer..
zana came aft that..n we head for sembawang..ergh..
just to watch some pple play takraw again..
we just did the same thing the day before..
u noe how pathetic it is...
go all the way to sembawang to see pple play takraw..
can die sia.. hahh

and guess who got a facial dkat tepi jln?
Bonzer! hahaha..da promoter pulled his hand..
and he was shock la tu la maen psp lagi kn..
den lame plak tu..
i n zana waited so long..kite pn g check la ape je tau drg tenga uat..
omg..when i saw bonzer..i wanted to burst out laughing sia..
his face full of cream and the guy like wipe at his face and all..hahaha..
funny laaa... haha. see? so a lesson for u guys who like to play psp
while walking..u may end up like my friend one day..haha..
ok la. im so tired. need to slp.hahh..

x tired as usual

2009-02-16T06:21:00.000-08:00

It felt like it's been a million years since i last post.
k bedek eh. Ive been too busy with i dunno what also.
And i also thought there's wrong with my internet connection.

Anws i got a job with Wani.
And it's pretty lepak at wild wild wet.
Although we both look so pathetic in the uni.
Like some basketball players. Haha.
And on Sunday, wani seem to be a little i-dunno-whats-the-word.
She drop her handphone in the toilet bowl and worst i dont understand i she make herself
go in the water with her uni when she didnt bring any towel or undergarments.
hAHA..funny girl la.

Ok. today i watch Underworld.
Its fun seriously go watch..
And ive been fighting with my mom.
Like seriously fight.
You know with she trying to beat me.
and i keep on grabbing her hand and push it away.
And the worst part we were fighting in between my maid's leg.
Keco pe! my maid was supposedly sleeping but i think
she wasnt sleeping when the fight happen. ;)

So nizam's burfdae is tomoro.
can't believe im gonna be the only teenager left in my family.

and i had another fight with my mom.
Ok this is funny. Erm.. although im lazy to type.
but ok2 back to the story..
i went home one fine day..
and my mom suddenly just called my name and she check my bag.
And there was cigarrette filters inside.
I think my mom first time la nampak..
tros she went to my father and my father say..
" nie tuk gulong rokok..."
and i was like yar..durh..and he havent finish his sentence yet.so randomly he said..
" and gulong ganja jugak.."
i was like wtf! and i said it's zana's filters so again zana is blacklisted by my mom.
sorrryyyy...=)

and when my mom heard ganja she was like..
"astaghfirallahallazim. kau campur kawan2 gini..amek drug sume.."
infact, i almost laugh. ganja ehk? wow.
then she wanted to call zana.
so she took my handphone and scroll down my contacts..
" ape nie mcm2 lakie..amir la azlan la.."
and i was like erm my friends..
and ok this is the funniest part..suddenly SUDDENLY she said..
" astaghfirallah..kau maen 4D toto nie sume..horseracing pon..ape la nak jadi ngn kau.."
k that..sumpah i almost burst out laughing..
i was like " mak. mls la nk expain."
it's like durh..when i buy singtel line..obviously its already inside what..
what an ass. hahaha.

ok.yar.cant wait for the weekends..i wanna work summore.
mcm fun gitukan..hehe..

x tired

2009-02-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Went to Sentosa 2 days ago with the girls.
At first, it was pretty fucked up with the rain and all.
So we just sat and drink abit of johnny walker watching some mats
playing with a ball in the shallow pool.

Emmy and Jack sat and drink while the rest played with the plastic ball.
Johnny walker and Mug sucks !
We were there till sunset before we change.
Had drinks and tried cigga. Dont really like it though.
Head back home at 10pm.

Feeling really exhausted so i slept early.
Erm, ouh yar. Yesterday met Murni and Zana.
Then we head for whitesands and Elias. Was yawning all the way.
Still tired from the Sentosa outing.

And some guy really pissed me off.
Everything about him piss me off.
71 ex? Propose to me on valentines? so mushy2?
ergh! sorry. im out..
Mcm world gitukan.. 71 ex.. mengire nmpk..
and he wanna treat a whole bunch of girls on Monday..
i donno what's his point anw..
And he fucking cant stop calling me. And if i don't reply his msg in 5 mins, he'll
give another and go ' u?'.. then if i nvr reply in 5 mins, he'll call.
You know, it's so annoying. i feel like i should just block his number anytime.

And he was like ' what's ur comment about me?'..
You know if im the queen of blunts i would just say
,' U world nk mampos, over confident, step berg & pls whats with the sports wear..'
Fuck sia. He send me a whole lot of his photos..
( i really dunno wad for. like i care. )
Imagine in every photo with different b/gs..
He is wearing a some sports adidas shirt..with luminous lime yellow lines..
and sports pants and worst SPORTS SHOE.. sumpah its so sport shoe..
and its so YELLOW.. fuck. looking at it makes me sick.
With the Sports wear and bloody sports shoe..n shades..n gold hair n tattoos n the
fact that his dark.. makes everything about him so wrong.

And he was like,' some girls look at me in the mrt"
and me and my friends were like who won't?
we'll be laughing our ass off of what you're wearing.
And worst in one of his photos he wore that same suit and whatever..
and behind was fucking CLark Quay.. Mcm sial..hahaha..
It's like what u're jogging at clark quay.. ergh..fuck..

And he got the cheek to tell my friend he wanna propose to me on V-day.
And obviously, my friends know ill reject bluntly. Hahaha!
What an ass.. He thinks he is so wow.. im still figuring out how he had 71 ex..
because if im them i wont even wanna be in a relationship with him.
and i think he is shorter than me. Major turn-off or what..
Ala..seriously. Every fucking thing about him piss me off. End.

His friend is like 10 kali ganda lagi mulia la bodo..
and fuck he is still calling my hp.. chibai! from morning till now.. argh!!!
i swear he is on my nerves already..
Can't even give me some space issit.. and fuck he is not even my bf..
klau hensem tkpe jugak.. kimak!! mintak ampon la..

x i pass ftt

2009-01-31T09:09:00.001-08:00

Oh yar. One more other thing. I took my ftt on the 28th.
And yeah i passed. Haha.
And so i msg my mom..
I like that feeling ya noe.. when i was so scared to end the test.
and i end it and i pass and ill like suddenly smile. Haha. ok whatever..
But yeah i text my mom and said,' Alhamdullillah mak. i pass my ftt.'..
and as usual my mom so random like hell replied..
' alhamdullillah i knew my girl can do it congrat darling i luv u'..
Not even a single fullstop. amazing. haha!

And talking about random.
At boat quay while waiting for the slow nk mampos guys..
i text my mom..
' Mak today im going home abit late. theres chingay and i wanna watch the fireworks.'
And so she replied..
' What time you come back' ( no qns mark oso.. hahaha )
' arnd 12 liddat. naek taxi la balek'
'Why so late 2moro jadi nak gi batam' ( no qns mark again. and any fullstops..haha! )
' Yes im going'
' Den balek cepat '
' ok. ill try.' ( hehehe..try abez..haha)

k la. i wanna slp. fucking tired.
i slept at 5.30am last night. and woke up at 8am in the morning.
fucking 2 and a half hrs of sleep only.
and tomorrow still have to wake up early to go Batam.
Cant wait to get kretek or Disamsu or whatever the name is..
and Monday wake up at 7am to go to orchard. tk pena sia.. but yar im doing it..
thats a first for me. Hahh.. k2 nitez..

x B U S Y

2009-01-31T08:29:00.001-08:00

it's been a heck of a busy time for me.
im not usually online but yeah it's all about
hanging out with my gfs, drinking, lepaking & playing puzzle pirates. Hahh!

ok i know its lame playing puzzle pirates but whatever.
Just got home from Boat quay. Im actually very disappointed
because first thing the guys were late. Fuck! And i think that AYB
stands for Ayob Fucker Boy! I made that up but heck sucha nice nick. Haha!
Joking2. It was tattooed on his fingers and i ask ,' What's AYB?'
And he was like ,' Adela..' I was curious and bored so i made a phrase out of it. Lol.

Ok. I and Emmy lepak. Zana busted. Haha.
Then head for city hall and i was like.. nie ape sia ramai org..
And i realize it was chingay. How can i totally forget about it.
We sat at Boat quay watching the fireworks and the padang party from afar.
I was crying in my heart. =) Because first it was some trance techno shit.
Then it was buttons froms pussycat dolls. And i was like,' luckily i didnt go for the party
and pay 20 bucks for one drink and dance to this shit'..
and GUESS WHAT ? after that PCD song, it was all the way skapunk and screaming shit.
I wanted to cry right. Sitting there, hearing the songs from afar and i was like
fuck i should have gone. i swear.. haha..

Then Emmy was gulong-ing for me.
And this Chinese auntie came to us..
and ask where is city hall mrt..
I was like' its really far because Raffles mrt is just right at the back..
She so don wanna listen to me and instead listen to Emmy explaining where it is.
Annoying pe.. And she was like is padang nearer or The CT hall mrt?
and we were like padang..durh..and again i said.. but padand has a party going on there..
there'll be alot of pple..and that fucking auntie doesnt want to listen to me again..
gasak kau la nyonya. And she was like ' ya im meeting my friend at there. shes otw and dropping
off at ct hall mrt..ok thnx anw'.

And when she went off. I was kinda pissed actually.
And i went' fuck! finding ur friend at padang is like finding a needle in a haystack'..
Haha. gasak kau la.. wondering what happen to her sia..hahh.whatever..
In the end the boys came at 9.30pm! Its very annoying ok.
So ungentlemen. We girls were out by 5+, head for CT hall by 6..
had nth to do at 7pm. and sat at the windy boat quay for like an hour b4 they came.
wtf. i know.

So we went to Chillies because the indian uncle was going 12 bucks for a jug
and free drinks for the girls plus free entry. It was weird really.
He was damn friendly. We gave the fierce looking guy beside him our IC.
and he stare at each of it for like so long. You just have to check the date fuck..
not the names or whatever..or how funny our faces are 3 yrs back.
So we went up the stairs.. it was a long ride up.
And at the entrance there were 2 guys in black suits..
And ask for our IC's again.. tak paham sia aku.. haha.
Got the chop and went it. Great music. Sucky crowd.
Drinks are alright. Overall next time thon try coming there again. Haha.
Cause usually crowds only start at midnight or so.
Went down praise the indian uncle about the place.
And head home. It was weird walking alone along that whole stretch of boat quay area.
And having everyone to stare at me. Haha.. A girl in a short pink dress with heels
smoking gulong..Whats wrong with that?
Anws i reach home at 12.15am.. Manage to get a ride on one of the last few trains..luckily..

So yeah..yesterday lepak..last 2 days drink at Elias CC again.
Johnny walker with coke lime as usual.
And the guys were the fucked up ones in the end.
Tu la nak mcm phm starting minom bynk..
Beh at last muntah.. haha..

Lepak with my gfs there and then.
and yeah im still finding for work sia. Haiz..
But glad that i got a job for a day from my mom.
Go to Orchard Boulevard and i get $100. Easy money. =)

And during CNY i and Emmy drank with Nadzir there as usual.
Saw Iman. Like wtf! and shake hands with him like tk ikhlas nak mamposnyer..
Haha..and everytime i think of that ill like smile sia. Sumpah satisfaction giler babi.
Like finally im showing you face to face how i disrespect you for all the shit you've done to me. Yeah..serve you right.. and when i went off. He was like trying to get info out of Emmy but to no avail.. ' Asl fana mrajok?Fana krajok ngn aku ehk?'...Nabei..Hahaha..
Asl mrajok sia.. what a wrong word.. ill accept if he say is fana pissed off or sth..
Why should i be mrajok over the fact that he remarked about me being bimbotic and telling
the whole world about it...I can never understand that..haha.

Alright..Let's enjoy the 10 weeks holidays to the fullest.. ouh shit..Left with 9 weeks now. hahh!

x everything happen's for a reason

2009-01-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

I like the way things are now.
It's all falling into place and knowing that i let my troubles be vain. .
Ill just let it be and view it as " everything happens for a reason".

It worked because i got the whole view of everything in a positive manner.
Knowing that being with my ex isn't a regret but somehow to show
that hatred shouldn't exist in this world. Knowing that dating the guy
who called me a bimbo was to get my mind off the heartache.
And knowing him also shows that i can't judge a book by its cover and
hinder me from contacting a guy who just wanna fuck around with me.
Knowing a new gf shows that i should expand my social circle..
and that she also hinders me from knowing fucked up guys.

It's all for a reason and that is how things should work.
Not just fuck this shit and that and going shit happens
and yet you did nothing about it and instead just let shit
happens to you all the time. So i realize shit always happen and
that you can't escape shit. Thus, make shit seem like its not shit
after all. That is how i have figured my fucked up life these days. Haha!

Yeah, this is the shit i wanna talk about all this while. =)

x dull life

2009-01-23T21:24:00.001-08:00

Been in such a restless motionless blank state these days.
I kept wondering what's on my mind till it hurts.
Ever since hanging out with my RP friend at Pasir Ris Central.
Everything stays that way till now, the blankness.

I know that i have alot of shit going on these few days.
But somehow i don't feel the need to rush into things or start
panicking over them either. It's like my brain is fucking dead, i swear.
It was dead till i realize i was studying for ftt. Haha!

Ok. Whatever it is. Basically, everythings a fucking blank and it make me
so bloody restless.

Ouh well, 2 days ago we went starbucks at night.
That's all i remembered. Thanks to Emmy for the drinks.
But i can't remember what i did before going to starbucks. Hmm..
And yesterday, err where the heck did i go..
Ouh! Woke up early and went Tamp Mall with Murni to buy her kak sedare present.
Then head home, then to Murni's then to StJames.
At stJames the only great thing is the crowd and the drinks.
But hell, the music sucks! And the whole cupids massaging freaks me out.
I dunno. Looking at the cupids from the VIP area and drinking some beer.
And all im seeing is fluffy wings on the cupids the shape of a heart.
And massaging people while following the beat of the music.
Just thought i could throw the bottle of beer from on top and land it on their heads. =).

The free flow was great because i thought i was just drinking orange juice and raspberry. The food look so bloody nice and i took a whole plate of it.
In the end, tk abez suro org abezkan. Hahaha. Because the taste abit weird liddat.
i think with the drinks and all, it just doesnt feel right.

Anws overall stJames was ok except the fact that i've to go home early.
By 11.50 baru nk jln. Denga2 sempat dpt last train. Haha.
Yeah fucked up and we have to take the bus.
Boring ride without music.
Got home and studied for ftt.
I don't know what gets in my mind.
It felt like i was reading and reading and nothing gets in my head.
So frustrating. But its so weird that this morning at cdc,
i felt like i could answer the qns's quite easily even though i fail. Haha.
Just e-trial. No worries.

Now have to siap to go for murni's kak sedare wedding.
Head home and head for downtown at night for a drinking session. Yeah.
Tired but would try to keep myself awake for the drinking part. Hahh!
Chivas ok.. =) Bye.

x nobody

2009-01-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

Had been in an emotional state these days.
I don't know why but stuff resembling the past keep on popping out.
I'm not sure what i'm handling with right now,
but it's sure a biggy for me.

I hate the feeling. It just doesn't feel right being with some other guy.
It wasn't the same, not even fucking close.
But one things for sure, i've to move on.

I realize i'm just no one to stop him if he has another girl.
Reading this certain blog which i randomly just click and read.
It's like an urge and yet, i know it's not me reading blogs.
I tell stuff for me not for others, but if they do read that's just their problem.
And exactly, reading that girls blog seems to create a problem for me.
Not about her but the fact that the whole shit reminds me of myself.

Why? Because that girl is attached to my friend's ex.
That friend of mine had been with him for two years and they broke up.
Then he went dating and be in a relationship with all kinds of girls.
And still it's funny that everytime he falls and broke up with all those girls,
he went searching for my friend back.

I just fucking hell feel for my friend because i so understand how she feels.
Fuck up life. This is the shit.

But now, things just have to go.
Now, we want freedom right..
But i know when we see each other,
all that freedom shit aint in mind but a whole lot of different shit instead.
You know what i mean.
That look like ..damn.
Some stuff just couldn't be explained.
Its just that i know we know.

Stoppit la fana. Haiz..
I know most of you just don't understand but well,
you would if you're the girl whom have experience that deep real love
where you know when the guy talks about marrying you,
you just hell shit know he mean it but yet
the relationship abruptly ends. So far i only know two.

x fun places in singapore

2009-01-14T19:39:00.000-08:00

I and Zana seem to have the urge to travel around these days.
But remember early plans always fail. Im serious.
When are we sheeshaing? When are we going to Sentosa?
Seem to take years for it to happen though.

Alright. So Zana wanted me to help her surf the net
for places to go in Singapore. I did get some pathetic answers though.
The repeated places are always the zoo, birdpark, nigthlife at all the quay's.
And i managed to get into this forum and the answers just make me laugh..

The qns was : Fun places to go in Singapore? and im from NY.

And so here are the answers:
1) Geylang
2)Disco
3) Zoo
4) National Museum
5) National Library
6) MOS
7) Zouk
8)the water thempark at Jurong
9)any were also fun
10) galleries
11) Changi airport, so u can leave here it sucks
12) marina square
13) tekka mall
14) Haji lane. Zouk/Mos
15) Sentosa
16) i thought botanical gardens were cool.
17 ) Woodbridge Hospital
18) Bugis Village

Some were acceptable. But you know you shouldn't have scare the tourist away ok with asking them to leave and stuff. And the other answers are just so pathetic. i really have no comments. Asalkan drg bahgia.. hahh.

x almost forgot

2009-01-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

my memory suck! i swear!
i almost forgot whatever shit happen yesterday.
Instead i remember the previous one only.

Two days ago, i and Zana head for West Coast to eat. Then to Jln Lempeng, Clementi,
Holland Rd, Sixth Avenue and Town. It was the sickest rides ever because it kept on
disappointing the both of us. Infact, it is so disappointing that i almost cried. But instead i laugh.

Well, West Coast was ok. Food wasn't that good either. And every bus ride seem to long to be true. The fact that we have to wait for half an hour for 518. And worst we didnt manage to drink as what we've aim for for that day. But the best, we wanted to eat char kway and the fucking plastic full of the spicy thingee drop and we had to throw the food away. Thanks alot!

We came home empty-minded, empty-stomach and empty on everything. Fuck it la!

And ok2, i remember what happen yesterday. We went to Pasir Ris. From whitesands to downtown. Had Pastamania, sooo disappointing. The beef Lasagne was so disgusting that i didnt finish it. It cost $10.90 for that chibai beef lasagna when instead i could have bought beef lasagna at Delifrance which cost only $4.20.It even taste 10x better. Can cry sia..chibai..haha. Lepak and went home. I swear its been days of disappointment for me. Kinda make me paranoid though.

Today went to Marina Sq and ate pizza hut. Got the best beef lasagna. At last! Played at the arcade at Suntec City. I feel like practicing throwing balls into hoops so i could beat Murni one day. Haha! Head back and met Emmy. We had some card games as usual. And only went home at 11.30pm.. Still thinking want to go school or not tmr. Haiz..

Bored life. Lonely and everything. But still moving on as usual. When is this boring shit ever gonna be over..

x small world

2009-01-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Just one thing about today.
SMALL WORLD baby SMALL WORLD.
Alright. i made a few new friends today.

Very interesting indeed. Because everyone was connected in a way.
From Tampines Sec to East View to fucking hell Zuk's adek.
Wah chibai kia!

And had a great time. Because we learnt a little bit of
Muay Thai and boxing. Just for self-defence of course.
Had picture galores and learning how to dance properly.
Guitars, singing, fighting, dancing, "gangster fight". Fuck! haha.
i swear it was fun. =)

And the guy who thought i was Chinese.
And another who said i was good-looking.
And a girl who wants to club even though she's not 16. haha!
but she's nice. and she can dance. Yeah..

Before that head to Bugis with Murni.
Thought of watching Hindi movie, Ghanji.
But the tix damn expensive la.
So we watch seven pounds and i cried.
So damn touching.

Met Zana after that with Emmy and Julie.
Then met the guys and we had that one heck of time.
Everyone was like gado mcm minamatrep.
" eh kau ade pasal pe sia ngn aku"..
and there it started.. but everyone laugh at the end of it..
because everyone knows its a bloody joke.haha..
Even talk to a bus driver like da knl lame.
Lol. I just went to the bus driver and ask,' why is the 21 here?'..
hahaha. im crazieeee.. had a taxi ride home.
and Zuk's Adek send me home because Zana was like
just drop off the taxi and she just disappeared. Lol.
What's the rush.. and i was late, as usual.
Reach home at 1am today. hehe..

x x x x x

2009-01-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

Forced to go to school today.
And worst there is UT today.
Damn, i hate this.

FYP is coming but i dunno what's going on. Hahaha!
Whatever laa.. and my parents are coming down for RP openhouse.
Which sucks because they dunno that my GPA is so fucked up.
Damn.. i really hate school. Just fuck it..

Ok2. Still have another 5 hrs more of school to go.

And ouh yeah, i went drinking the other day.
And i got that chest pain suffocating feeling again.

And Chibai kia.. my teammates speaking in Chinese.
What sia.. how am i suppose to cooperate right fark..
argh!! SHit..seriously. i hate school.

x tired

2009-01-04T23:44:00.000-08:00

Last night, I drank way too much.
3 girls, one bottle of johnny walker red label. =)
Amy, Fana, Zana = fucked up. i swear!
Since all of us were high, the camaraderie was there.
We reminisce, gossip, talk shit and just fuck the world. Hahaha!

So in the end, i and Zana got home around 12:30am.
The taxi ride made me wanna puke.
I was really in that oozy feeling and was trying to control the nausea.
So i thought ' argh. fuck. im just gonna go to sleep'.
But when i lie down and close my eyes.
It felt worst because i feel like im falling deep down and i really have to puke.
Ran to the toilet and i vomit 3 times sia. Chibai!

I was disappointed because i really don't wanna puke
like how the others can control. And yet, i failed.
Suddenly, Zach just called and was like,
' Fuck. Amy like vomit 10 times or 8 times. i dunno'..
and i was really..shiiit! ..Amy ehk.hahaha! ok no wonder im
vomitting. and get to know Zana vomit 9 times in total.
Wow! Must be amazing that i vomit 3 or 4 times only.
Well, what do you expect. 3 girls with a 750ml of johnny.
No ice, just cups, 1 bottle of coke and a bottle of green tea.

And reminiscing back about last night made me laugh to myself.
I tied my t-shirt letting my tummy be seen and was just going low and low
to the music. And the random Amy who suddenly just stood up and dance.
I dunno why i find it so funny i laugh like an idiot. And the rest followed.
Zana who drop her cup twice. One which spilt on ME and my poker cards.
And still got the cheek to blame me. Idiot! Amy spilt hers once too.
So the whole place was bloody wet and everyone kept on slipping.
Amy was kind enuf to place all the poker cards all over the floor
just to DRY it. THANKS! hahaha. and to think im gonna pick up the card
one by one. Riiight Amy.. haha. but i appreciate it. Hehh.
Damn, were we that fucked up.

So right now im soo bloody sleepy.
I woke up at 7.30am and that tight knot in my stomach feeling is still there.
Like i just vomit a minute ago. And my head hurts.
Great, i was a hangover and had to wake up early.
Slept at 3am and woke up at 7.30am. Just great!
Went to the airport to fetch my cousin who's going back to Aussie.
Then head for JB to visit my Uncle who just had a house there.
So i manage to drag my close cousin along, Kak Azza.
I mean she should come along because im not gonna see her for
a very very long time. 4 more days and she's off to Aussie too to study.

Watch Ip Man with my family at home and now
im so exhausted. Have to sleep by 12 sia..
Tomorrow school is open again. Arrghh!
Ok. 6.15am fana mesti bangon.. kimak..pagi pe..
watever la. Get the 3 weeks done and over with.
K nytez!

x superstitious?

2009-01-03T01:03:00.000-08:00

Alright. You know what. i give up.
I mean whenever i wrote about this guy being sucha a pain in the ass
or that guy whatever blablabla..
Something fucking bad or unexpected will happen.
Yeah, and now Wan was like ' i love my single life' and whatever..
and not that im starting to be superstitious but
i don't wanna risk anything to get problems so easily.

I bet you all don't understand. But nvm..
I was really paranoid yesterday for being online on msn.
And after that " punch lines" from Wan..
thanks alot. So long and goodbye then.
I'd prefer no heartaches though.
But i so understand what you feel.
That fun freedom shit yet lonely feeling or life..

ok. So i wanna go drinking again tonight. Yeah!
Before school start actually.
Just wanna have fun and get everything off my mind.
After all, Jan's gonna be a hell of a bz week for me.
With school for 3 weeks and FTT smewhr near CNY.
But again i know somewhere along that busy times,
im gonna fucked up. Ok2. stop.
Dammit!im really superstitious of the blog shit.
But it hell happen all the time. argh..whatever..

Oh great. im so not looking forward to 3 wks of school.
instead im just looking forward to the almost 3 months holiday.
Hahh.. ok hell im late.haha. bye.

x New Year

2009-01-01T05:18:00.000-08:00

So far so good. Haha.
Still remembered last year's new year where everything was really fucked up for me.
I broke with my ex and got scolded from my mom.

And yeah, this year is definitely a much more better year for a start.
With no one complaining, and getting tipsy to end the year with.
It was really fun. Especially the drinking part.

So seriously, i really think No.12 is my lucky number.
Like what i told Zana. Chivas Regal and a 12 in the middle. Woah..
Must be a good drink for me. and it is. The best so far.
B'cause i did not vomit. Thank god!
And i've been vomitting for all the other liquor i've drank.
Except beer though. I loove beer.

Oh well, everyone was as what amy called it ' oozy..'
that not-wasted-still-there-but-flying feeling.
Haha. i like that. And i was really shocked as we were passing by a grp of mats..
and they ask,' melayu ke ciner?'...
And surprisingly i answered..but i swear i didn't want to answer them.
And i said ' Malayu'.. herlemek. Bobal pon da tk betol. Haha!

Went to D'Marquee.
My bro was mad at me and Wan disappointed + mad because of the tubedress.
Just great.. But got home at 5am. and still can't sleep.
And id just realize by then that i only ate a quarter plate of kway teow goreng for the whole day.
Hahh.. must be the liquor that makes me not have the appetite..
Alright. im too lazy to type oredi. k bye.

x splitting headaches

2008-12-27T10:29:00.001-08:00

I couldn't take today's shit.
15 hours out straight brings splitting headaches.

Woke up at 9am and was out by 10am.
We went to Takashimaya and shop.
Mom bought a Coach bag and i got Gucci Shades & Ashworth Polo tee.

So the best part is we bought so many things
till we were writing and writing a handful of lucky draw papers.
The carpark fee was a fucking $15.80..Wtf right..
But what do we expect. we were there from morning till 5pm..
And yeah, head home for awhile. I was really exhausted by then.
Wanted to sleep but i remembered that we had family plans that night.

Went bowling at 10pm although we reach there at 8..
Had Pure choc from coffee bean and then the bowling started.
It was fun really. Although i counted almost flying with the ball about 3 times.
Damn, i must put on weight. Im even starting to fly with bowling balls. Haha!
And we catch a midnight movie, Transporter 3.
We were like 4 seats from the front and by the time the movie end..
my eardrums hurt like fuck, my neck was stiff and my eyes blurry.
Thanks for the super loud sound which even made the seats vibrate.
And the so front view of the screen till i have to tilt my head up ..
and my eyes up.. which hurt everything.. Hahh..

Alright, head for Mac. And ate Mcspicy meal..
I was actually eating at 2am in the morning. Wow..Full meal summore.
And there was this fucking retard sleeping at a table near us..
with the mouth wide open.. So funny.
Yeah, then head home and felt too exhausted i dont even feel like bathing.
Well obviously i bathe.. and yeah i guess it's time to sleep.
im having a splitting headache right now with all the walking around and activities.

And..yes..i almost forgot about the money thingee.
Haha. As you know im actually really really major broke of the broke.
And the best part about going out with my parents, at the end of the day,
my money just increased.

Yeah, like i'll just ask,' Mom, i want to buy drinks'.
and she gave me 10 bucks so i keep the change.
And my Dad gave me 10 bucks to buy snacks
and i keep the change.
And so on and so forth..
Yeah, for today, i manage to earn about $30+ from my parents. =)
Fantastic or what. Food, Clothes, Transport, Entertainment all free.
And im still earning. Hahaha. Niice...

x disturbia

2008-12-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

Now i'm really tired.
So yeah, i'll pass it.
The bimbo thing? Wan?
I pass.

Yeah let's make it this way though.
Im the gd-looking unintelligent one yet a very nice girl indeed
and you're the bloody intelligent pretty boy yet such an immature jerk.
So alright, let's pass. Im over it.
Everyone has their flaws so yeah..

And as for Wan, i pass it too.
Do whatever you like, i don't care.
I'd do my own bloody business and you'll do the same.
Well let's just see where this all ends up to aite..

So i fucking sat on my glasses.
The new one infact. And it crack a little.
Really sad. I really love those glasses.
I'm just doing all my favorite old pastimes.
Like watching CSI instead of cartoons.
The CSI thingee.. that was really random..
I used to watch that alot and now im back to watching it.
CSI and whose line issit anyway?.. yeah. great stuff to watch.

I'm starting to read again.
The "smarting" kind of books written by guys.
I just wanna have the feel of how guys think actually.
And i got it well so far.
Like for an instance, I called him spineless & paranoid and
he would go like " that's really not what a spineless paranoid
wants to hear".. haha. typical.
They admit it in heart but they're not gonna go against their ego in anyway.
Guys...guys...

Yeah. I love what im doing now.
It's like im putting myself away from stupid arguments and issues.
And somehow with all this positive emotions,
im really forgiving everything actually. Pretty much..
And the best of all, im feeling like not a waste after all.
Not as dumb and aimless as I had been this past few months.

Infact, when i start reminiscing and think about the past whole year..
i started fucking shit with a bimbo queen by my side.
But now i pass that too. Just wanna do what i wanna do.
And not force myself to go here and there just because i was a little stress or bored.
And push aside the typical guys.
Now i just wanna start anew.

The typical guys who keeps on asking me the same thing.
Or ask me something that im not gonna do at all.
Asking shit like.." Da mkn? tenga uat per?Tak kua?"
" Nak jumper? Nak g pankeng?"..
and this days i really keep myself away from them..
cause everytime they say that..the only thing i had in mind was..
" Nak kene mintak sepak?"..Hahaha..

Yeah. i have a great start with my resolutions after all.
Yeah, that's the way to it fana. Great job!

x wasn't in the best of mood

2008-12-25T05:47:00.000-08:00

I had recently lost interest in computers and going online.
So in the end, Farhanah just wanna stick with reality for a bit.

After all, i'm great at telling all the shit out on my blog.
Maybe..instead of telling shit..i should somehow just start thinking about it.
I mean that's what i've been doing these days.
Just lying down, trying to analyse everything and come out with all the possibilities.

Either that or i'm out.

And ouh well.. it's just weird.
I was really into deep thoughts on these.
About how the heck can i just not smile when he smiles.
I know i miss him a heck lot and yet, when he is there
right in front of my stupid face. Smiling so widely and
yeah i was stoned. Maybe shocked.
No wait. I can't be shocked. I was always expecting that smile.
Because he is always smiling when he sees me.
Great! I'm always spoiling everything.
Or okay i get it now.
Maybe because whenever i see his face..
i just can't seem to smile.
Because i know deep down that im not
happy with what's between us.
Ok2. Im really slow. That's all. Haha..

Too many problems that i don't even know which is which.

And as for the other guy..
Wait. Before anyone get me wrong..im not a playa or whatsoever.
The guy above there..he is my ex. my first love.
And now it's some guy i used to had something with but didn't turn out well
because he fall out. Yeah ok get it..?
And after whatever just happen..
im even way more confused. Somehow..
like i don't get it why you had to do this and that..
And the worst this warrant cum counsellor actually am protecting his issues.
Well. guys protecting guys..what do i expect anw..
Telling a guy about a guy would make that guy feel protective of the guy.
Guy's are one heck of a complicated jerk.

Yeah. He could go on like maybe his friends influence him?
Right. And i was like can't he think for himself and not let others control his life..
Haha..and the warrant cum counsellor goes on saying maybe his afraid..
maybe his this and that..
And you know what.. im getting more confused.. Hahaha..
Well whatever.

It's not that i don't want this to be over.
Somehow i just find it hard to accept an apology when i know you think im a bimbo.
I don't know how to explain.
As for guys, maybe it's the girl thing.
And the fact that i still hang out at Elias make it worst.
You know, if i don't go there anymore..
i really don't give a damn shit about the apology.
i would insincerely said no prob..
and go fuck the world.
But if i go fuck the world, and see you one fine day..
It's just gonna be ackward.
I swear. Cause i can imagine it now..
Like if i see you and im just gonna go..
' oh fuck. it's the guy who called me a bimbo.
Better talk to my friends and not even look at him'
Haha. But seriously laa..
And trying to act like id oredy forgiven you..makes matters worst for me.
Cause im gonna feel like shit and guilty.
knowing that if i do see you one day..
and i go hie.. but in my bloody mind..
Fuck you!.. trust me...Hahaha..
But well maybe it takes time to get over such a thing. i hope..

x the bimbo story

2008-12-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

I know many things doesn't make sense in all my previous post.
Sorry, i'm just the type who'll type whatever is on my mind right then.
And the bimbo story Including the bi-sexual story is just a hell of a complicated
and ironic story as a whole.

And i almost wanted to finish up the conversation with more sarcasm.
But too bad he went offline. Always on the run.
Trying to escape things when he'd done wrong.
Pity him though. I guess he wasn't as grown as i'd thought he looked like.
Haha. Well one day he'll learnt that he can't run away from everything.

It's weird talking to someone who called me a bimbo.
It's like fuck..the american version of Dumb Blondes.
And the worst he even think like me and my friends did.
A bimbo telling me someone called me a bimbo .

Which means in other words, in HIS point of view,
im telling a bimbo that her friend is a bimbo too.
You just dunno how dumb that sounds.
Guys like him they're just great at smarting.

But seriously, i didnt know you were such an immature jerk.
Hahaha. There, i said it.
For you, to just remark on people so freely,
i can do that to you too.

x sure thing everyone wanna test my patience

2008-12-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

Not been online for quite a few days actually.
Been busy not sleeping and helping out with my close cousin's wedding.
It was really dreadful ok.
Running around in kebaye, trying to do everything at one time.
Taking pictures of the groom coming, going to the broom's side,
helping out with the money stuff, finding my aunt all over.
By the time the wedding dinner started, i was really in no mood for anything.
I was almost sleeping and my eyelids were so heavy it can just drop anytime.
Ouh well.. whatever it is im glad its all over.

Aite. So today I went to town with Bonzer, my RP mate.
and we watch Yes Man ( its really funny. you should go watch.)
and ate and study my BTT abit. haha!
Long time never meet summore. so we shared our latest problems.

and yes talking about latest problems.
He did call me a bimbo but he said sth like
she's just a bit bimbo but she's really a nice girl.
I dunno what's that suppose to mean.
But it sure sounds like someone there
is trying to cover up with some nice words ya..

Ok. That's not the point.
The fact that the whole conversation doesn't add up
makes me think everything is pretty bullshit.

Haha. Ok. Let me share the story then.
Ok A= Girl, B= Guy.
So B told A's friends that he is a bi-sexual
because B wants to keep a distance away from A.
Then B told his friend's that A is a Bimbo.
A finds out and was insulted.
B get's to know that A know's that shit
and told A's friend that actually
A is just a lil bit of a bimbo but generally a nice girl.
and wanted A's friend to try talk A out of hating B.
Worst, B still got the cheek to say if A has any doubts
about the bimbo issue just call B.

Ok get it?
First, why should i not hate him anyway?
Second, you think saying im a nice girl is gonna help?
Third, since almost everyone that i know and you know ..knows that u call me a bimbo..
is not insulting enough?
Fourth, so an apology is suppose to cover up for all that shit?
Fifth, you think you're so intelligent and matured to go all the way and
make-up a story of you being a bi?
Sixth, you think me calling you would help when i know you called me a bimbo..
and its like fuck im talking to someone who calls me a bimbo..
damn. if i do call u i am really a bimbo then..
its like so dumb.. and sucha waste of time.
Seventh, who are you to judge me that way..? you dont fucking know a shit abt me anw..
Sucha jerk..seriously.

godammit! luckily i realise it's a public blog.
So yeah..i dont wanna say everything i could insult you with right here..
starting with ur pants.. but nvm dat..
till next time when i do see you out there.

Anws.... it's really strange..
my parents were only home at 1++am..
And guess where they go...?
k nvm.. Night Safari..random kepe..
haha. kla..tu je la. hahh!

x words falling out from the sky

2008-12-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

I dunno but everything's starting to show even more clearly.
Thank god. Haha..

So yeah, this morning i woke up and i just lie on my bed.
And naturally somehow i start thinking deep.
That's when it hit me hard.
I just realize how fucking unhappy i am in my life.
Ever since my last ex, he made me feel so devastated.
Well pretty much got into a mental breakdown and all that shit.
And all the guys i went out with after him,
i just..i don't know. it doesn't seem right.

I wasn't myself in front of any of them.
because i thought maybe it's time for a change.
I wanna settle down like with my last ex.
But there was no confidence in me.
So i tried to be cautious in everything i do..
and it turns out i was making a fool of myself.
Having people talk about me when i know
im not that person they're talking about.

Wait till my gf's hear this anw.. whatever shit they say about me.
I know they're just gonna go wtf.
Cause well my attitude nvr change towards my gfs in anw..
Or well anyone who knows me from last time la.

Like ok maybe you are all wondering what the guys had to say about me.
Someone called me a bimbo and another called me immature.
All in a days time. Two guys. Two words. And one word from me. Fuck!

Somehow, although when i got the first news..
I was thinking ' doesnt he haf the dick to tell that to my face?'
Id always hated passing of messages anw.
Like you wanna say it..say it to me.
If u noe me well im too frank..
Until even once i got confronted by my gf's abt that 'frank' thingee.
And i dont mind whatever shit u wanna tell me. Just tell.
Haha..

Bimbo ehk? Immature ehk?
Entala ehk.. Gasak krg la..
So contradicting with all my testis..
all the comments from my friends..
all the truth game whr u're suppose to tell honestly what u think of that person..
and all the shit wan told me.

If i had my old friendster still i would have laugh my ass off
reading my testis way back from sec 2.
(pasal wan jugak aku kene delete. hahh)
pple either say im too matured for my age.
Or smart but sometimes u can be a bitch.
Or too frank of course.
Or a minah with brains.
and wan always like to say ,' sorry la budak pandai'.

And after that break-up, i became a total dumbass.
Hahaha! Fucking funny life la.

So from here i can conclude that..
ouh well maybe i should just be myself.
Be myself, have fun and since everyone prefer my old me.
Might as well right. Hahaha.

So yeah, look out for the old me ya!
I just wanna be happy again..feel free.. and enjoy.. Yeah!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ok2. one more thing.
damn! sometimes i just hate horoscopes.
It's like u just don't wanna believe it but somehow
can't help it but deny that's the truth they're talking about.
So i was reading CLEO.. and here's my horoscope for the month anw.

Love: Hiding your intensity and passion will bring confusion but openly living them will bring amazing results.
Life: You'll be the toast of the town and going out of your way to impress bosses will take you far.Relationships to do with home and family are about to improve.
Ok fine. Im getting more closer to my brothers..which is kinda weird. And my mom seems to have forgive me( im nt too sure but it lks like it only k) about the caught drinking thingee. And my father seem to start showing more concern and it's such a relief to at last hear his voice here and there again. And it's weird that my father is starting to pick up calls from my home phone. So get ready friends to hear a voice you may never heard of. Haha!
And as for the love part.. no comments. I just said all the shit above anw. Go figure..

True but i still don't want to believe it. But still fucking true. Haiz..
Entalaehk.. Hahaha.. K time to doze off.Nitez!

x disturbed

2008-12-15T12:46:00.000-08:00

I guess if someone has a problem like this..
i'll share with you the feeling. Haha..
It's just weird. Im not even hurt.. durh..
But infact im just truly disturbed.
That's all.

Damn. I just cant sleep.
And the more i think, the more disturbed i get.
And now paranoia starts to come.
Great. Now i just feel like calling someone..
tell them my disturbed feelings..

and then..and then..
Wan Khairullah flood my mind.
Just feel like calling you now.
I miss the old days when i could just call you anytime
talk about any shit i wanna talk about..
and my hearts still aching for you..
and great..im crying. Fuck!

What's next..

and now is like 4.51am in the morning.
I just realize sth.. like i'll start to get sooooo hungry at arnd 4am.
Really dunno y.. but i seldom stay up that late though. Haha.
K whatever. Just trying to kill time.
Cause bloody hell i cant sleep.
I feel so disturbed thinking abt that ergh..
and i feel so hurt and hearts aching shit thinking about Wan Khairullah.
Great..just great..

Yes, i agree with my dear friend.
Pasir-ris ians have fucking big issues.
and they are usually super weirdos.
Damn i agree with you on that. Haha!

x the list

2008-12-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

ok. now i just wanna update the list. as i have stated in my previous post.
just keeping to my words.
although i feel so shit right now.
from what i just heard. lol.

- i made this Eurasian guy so mad at me even before we met.
- had an encounter with " something" while having a conversation wif wani on the phone. Like someone bloody hell chanting in the background.
- i lost my phone right after the encounter at E-bar and my bill was a superb 400 plus bill. great!
- Got a big scolding from my ex when i kenal2 with whom i didnt know was his friend. and he even didnt mind just getting my home number. Lol. i lost my phone sia.
- The best i broke up with my guy on new year's eve 08. great way to start the year with.
- My previous previous ex still want me back even after 1 year 5 months of chasing me and me rejecting him.
- Once, I lepak in a house where parangs were scattered everywhere. shit place!!and fuck-up matreps.
- Right now, with my absenteeism from school, im liable to be dismiss from RP. meaning i could be a poly drop-out.
- My beloved ex is likely be jailed cause of his $4500 fine. and meaning he will be in jail for 1 year plus. which means i must fucking hell get over him.
- and last but not least..the BEST ever problem to get so paranoid over.. i can't believe i fall in love with a chibai kia bi-sexual..

Yes. u heard the last one. If i ever see him at Elias Mall.. i swear im gonna run in a flash all the way back to tamp. Haha.. but fuck sia.. haiz..

I was eating at Elias. was still thinking over what to eat. And the news was told shit right into my face. My friend just made me so flabbergasted that moment. My heart drop..My waterface drop. And my hunger drop too. So i didnt order anything cause i felt so shit right then.

Damn! That's disgusting. How could i..fuck! Even when some lesbian is into me i felt so turn off. Even when the time way back in sec 3 french kissing with a girl 3 times in a day was really my last and most horrible encounter ever..i just can't imagine being not straight..goddammit! i swear sia seeing him would make me run a few miles till he is off my sight. Hell that's disgusting..in every single way..shit!!

Argh..whatever the fuck la. btol peh chibai kia..siak siak..!!!

x fuck everything

2008-12-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

Just hoping it's gonna be a better year for me in 2009.
Problems are just never ending.
It's sickening at times.

Now with some fucking virus malware or trojan whatever shit attacking my comp.
And trying to study BTT and just bloody hope i pass.
And have to go thru a week of busy-ness cause my cousins getting married this wkend.
Damn. Just cant wait to get the week done and over with.

SO yeah, went to JB with my auntie yesterday.
It's really weird talking about beach parties and nightlifes with her.
She's cool and everything but sometimes it's freaky. Lol.
Like the time after our chinese class. ( ok whatever but still i hate chinese. so hard to study)
She ask me to wait outside while she go get her 4D toto.. and i was like erm..ok..
And even more weird to buy 3 box of ciggs in front of her.
And she is so into this baju. ( which fyi is super open)
And she advice me to buy it. Like err..ok.. haha!
Great but still weird.

ok. and guess what. finally im gonna finish that list. lol.. alright by next post..
till then..

xi totally forgot

2008-12-10T08:11:00.001-08:00

alright.since i wasnt okay just now.
i totally forgot what im suppose to actually blog about today.
its not suppose to be about what im doing today or whatever the shit.

somehow it's weird thinking about afew minutes back.
Now im really cooled down i could type as fast as id normally do.
and its just weird that although i cant control myself when im drunk.
somehow or other im always there. im conscious in a way.
except i feel like flying. lol. k nvm. i dont understand it either.

and alright im talking about guys who always spend on me.
too much especially. and im referring to today and some fine day afew weeks ago.
i felt like i dunno. maybe because im used to having financial issues wif my bf.
or just..it's just really weird having somehow who spend on me too much.

Seriously, i felt so guilty all the time.
Till a tied knot was made in my stomach.
It's like i just wanna say,' im sorry for using up ur money when u could use it for other tings.
But seriously u shud had let me pay for my own things.'

Yeah. It felt like that. I mean come on, i cant expect u to pay for everything.
Because by the time our special occasion came it wont be as special.. to me..
I know..many girls will terase here..
But hey, life with Wan Khairullah wasn't easy plus problems arise abt financial issues too.
That's why sometimes i felt he is my husband.
He felt so connected with me in every single way.
Esp after a big fight. and esp if it's about money.
Because money always mean a big fight. Im not kidding.

So that's why to me guys spending on me.
it's like first im not use to it.
Second, i dont think we'll feel much pressure in our fightings.
unless it incldes a third party.
And that is why lepak and everything is like an okay thingee for me when it comes to dating.
or called it just meeting.

You see, with luxury..u will indulge urself with luxury and him.
Sometimes u wont even realize ur falling for what he have in hand than what he have in heart.
that's why being with Wan was like i dont care about anything else.
Not even money. We could just sit on a bench.
Look into each other's eyes. ( i know it snds wtf but im telling u seriously)
and you just know nothing else is there except you and him.
And that's how you know love is not about anything else.
EXCEPT you and him.

that's what love is about.
Not about u and him indulge in luxury.
its about you and him in everything.
you and him getting through issues that kept you all apart.
you and him compromising with each other.
you and him getting along.

that's why i dont think there's a need to show off bikes.
to show off that you have money.
but to just be urself.
show what you really are.
not about showing what you have.
but just what you exactly are.

i remembered saying to my ex when he was dreaming about bikes and stuff.
and i told him straightforward and frankly..
' Don't let a girl fall for you for what you have but for what you are'.
and he couldn't answer me because that's just the fact.
and that is why to me chemistry is pretty important.
rather than whatever luxury u wanna put me in.
luxury..i could work hard and get that myself.
but love.. it's something both parties must have..
sth that i cant do alone.

just imagine when theres luxury that bring urself together..
and if i take away the luxury..would u still be there for him?
luxury could disappear in a blink of an eye..
but for what you are.. i dont think so..
and when u settle alot of problems together.
somehow you feel more attached to that certain person.
and u dont use luxury to settle things.
u use what you are to settle it.
that's what keep love going. not fucking luxury.

haha. i know i snd pathetic right now.
but sometimes its something i think i should issue about.

x drunk fucker

2008-12-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

alright. im drunk but i told everyone im not.
dumb or what.. well whatever im drunk..

now feeling much better but yet somehow i still cant type as normally.
So small world that i know Zana's ITE friend from PRCS..
and she knows I***..calling him the handsome one.
but to think back i don't find him that appealing to me.
alright maybe just a little cute but not as appealing.
sometimes people calling him handsome and yet i just dont get it.

maybe my friends are right. im too much.
as in i have high standard. hahaha. whatever..

So cant believe the day gone pass with me feeling better at riding bikes.
as a PASSENGER. Lol.
the truth id never like riding bikes.
i just find it so annoying. especially when they brake and you would literally move forward.
but today, during the ride home..
i felt like riding bikes are a usual thing.
maybe cause im drunk i dunno. lol...

today was all about madagascar. disappointed that sex drive is not in cinema's.
had my meal at pizza hut. and went downtown to drink.
Yerp. and all with riding bikes.
which still im not keen of when im not drunk. Hahaha.

ok. tmr i haf school. so i better go to bed early..
and just pray that im not a hangover tmr morning.
shit..seriously.ive to go to school.
Before i get anymore letters on my parents study desks..
nitez.!

x guys as a matter of fact

2008-12-09T06:51:00.000-08:00

As a matter of fact, i can't help but lie to everyone.
Im so sorry, i didn't mean to.
But I'm just in no mood for whatever..ok that's a lie.
as in im in no mood for erm guys?

They would call and call.
The different guys that im not interested in even a bit.
And worst they got my number from a friend.
Whoever that friend is just don't have the common sense
to ask me permission ferst..

Like im in the bus with my friends, and one of them would call
and i'll come out with the most lame excuse ever..
Like ' oh im still in school doing my project. Busy ya noe..'
and while im saying that people are tapping their EZlinks away to drop
off the bus. and I just fucking hope he wouldn't hear the background noises.
Well whatever. If he hears, he shud fucking know im not even a least bit interested.

And the only people i would entertain if they call or msg right now..
would only be I*** and Wan. Nyahaha..
Wan to update his horrible life on and I*** erm oh well just wish u wud msg.. =)
Just to make me feel better for all the paisey-ness.

Anws i just can't stand it anymore.
Guys whom im not interested in..
Got the cheek to call me all at the wrong time.
Like during a great movie or during my worst moods of the moment.
Ouh Puh-lease. If im evil, i would have literally put down the phone on ya all,
OR block ur numbers OR reject every single call of all of u.
Im serious. Its like i really cant be bothered.
And somehow being in this situation makes me wonder
how the fucking playgirls and playboys manage their life wif diff guys/girls..

And can't believe FYP subject selection is already out for some schools..
and fuck it, i had already shut down my laptop and i've to on again
and check my school email for any FYP shit.

Yeah. FYP.. final year project.. final year..
somehow i cant believe im gonna be out of poly in a year's time. Haha..
that's if i pass all my module..

Ok. So the freaky card games are right.
Really freaky.. i dunno..ade setan ke ape tlg pon tak tau..
Because last Tuesday i ask,' Is I*** gonna contact me in anw in 1 week time?'
And they said YES. which like yesterday i just find it so bullshit.
Incredibly nonsense. Yet today while i was researching resources in school..
There he was.. on msn. Haha. kinda make me relief yet somehow make me think
he has issues not even knowing that ive msg him before. Lol.
But in a way, shit.. the cards are damn bloody accurate. FUCK!
Im actually believing in the cards right now?
Nonono.. it's all a coincidence. haha..whatever it is.

Alaa.. Sume bende whatever la.
Im just only gonna respond to afew pple or stuff anw..
Like I***, Wan, School shit, Family & friends. Yerp basically thats it.
Life runs arnd them anw. I guess.. Hahh..

Ok2. Im gonna finish up the list soon. Maybe by this weekend.. we will see..
Ok time for Reflection Journal..another stupid work from school..
which even though i cabot half way. i haf to deal wif it.. ok2. bye.

x very phallic indeed

2008-12-05T03:15:00.000-08:00

Sure, let's talk about two days ago.
At downtown east, with the worst liar on earth.
Imagine you saw your boyfriend at the arcade right infront of ur own eyes,
and he got the cheek to say his at muthafucking home.
Like that's the dumbest lie on earth!

The worst part is i just fucking hate the way he thinks he is oh-so-phallic.
Fifteen year olds just wanting to maju i guess? Hahaha. Whatever..
When you're older, you'll realize hw fucking dumb u are right then.

And i don't know why. But seriously guys are so annoying these days.
I mean they make me paranoid and frustrated in every single way ok.
From my last ex, to my last last ex, to afew guys i know now
but truth is i really cant be bothered and not interested.
Or maybe im just tired of guys right now. Haha!
Whatever it is..

x back to school

2008-12-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

After the big relief from escaping presentation in school,
life can't get anymore chaotic.

It was so frustrating that all of us couldn't help but speak our lungs out.
We're literally shouting at the void deck and people might confuse us as
having one of those minah fights.
But not! it was just normal conversation except everything is at a much more higher volume.

So i was so paranoid and frustrated and that idiot got the chick to msg me at the wrong time.
Worst..he went ' fana da mkn?fana nga uat pe tu?'..
Nak step cute ke ape tah aku pon tak tau laa.
But whatever it is, it adds more frustration in me. No offence.
You're a great guy but we're not meant to be.
Cause you tend to message me all at the wrong time.

And worst, Abul called wishing me happy birthday?
Confident plak tu.. Haha.whatever..
And more frustration build up due to something on the msn.
And i got more paranoid with the fact that i don't even know my teammates name. Lol.

Fucking day i must say. Really fucking!

x plain lazy

2008-11-30T06:43:00.000-08:00

Thought of finishing that whole list of shitty happenings..
But im just plain lazy and seriously, i don't wanna think of more.
Because more of shitty happenings has just been added in my life.
Greatness! When is this ever gonna end..

So yes, he is losing his memory fast! STM like fuck!!
And words can't come out of my mouth seeing bones protuding out.
Bones protuding out from him, which i'd never thought of back then.
Use to think it's impossible for bones to protude out of that fleshy guy.
But now, if my eyes could buldge out, it would.

I was utterly disappointed that I just can't seem to say anything about it.
Not that i can't be bothered but my mind was a total blank.
All i could do was just answer whatever question he ask.

The guy that shattered my heart, period.
The guy that left me not for another girl, but that thing.

It's sad, you know.
Sad that i'm seeing the guy that i love with all my heart ruining his own life.
I know that i don't wanna walk off on you cause my love for you is still there.
But when i look at you, it just feels so painful that it triggers my mind.
Triggers my mind till I start thinking ' maybe. maybe it's time to go.. '

Worst, the day you called me so suddenly..
I thought there was a glimpse of hope.
Thought you have realize and wanna change for the better.
But yet, i should have known, semangat 2 minute jer..
Making me cry for nothing..
Cry for someone who's ruining his own life.
It's not even my fault and i'm crying. WTF!
I know it shows that i care.
But if i've to follow my heart, ill stay with you.
But if i've to follow my mind, ill leave you for good.

Seriously, i have to face reality right.
Haiz.. I don't know..
Hate making decisions like this.. tough one..
very very tough. haha!

How i wish he would fucking stop and realize that the thing is killing him bit by bit..
How i wish..........

x school sucks

2008-11-25T09:40:00.000-08:00

Afew days ago, whenever that is,
we hardcore girls had a hardcore time at the stupid pasir ris connector.

Yes, it just rained. HEAVILY i must say.
And yes, the big drain is half flooded with water.
And yet, we 3 girls still wants to walk under the bridge in the BIG drain.
I & Murni were confident that we would made it through quite easily
cause been-there-done-that in Secondary 2. ( P.S which is like 4 yrs ago )

Well, usually it took us about 2-3 mins to pass through the drain.
But well, this time round it took us 15 mins. Haha!
And that whole fucking time we were going thru some weird funny activities.
Activities that make me wanna cry back then but laugh now.

Zana was crawling till she couldn't crawl no more.
Unless she wanna lie down and drag herself forward with her hands.
Which may take forever cause she's holding on to 2 big bottles of syrup.

While me & Murni were 'monkey bar-ing & balancing' on the stupid slope.
The slope that if we lose our balance, we'll be drowning in the flood.
But somehow half-way, we were like half dying,
that we join Zana in her crawling.
Murni and her 40 kueh Lopez and Zana with 2 bottles of syrup.
Fantastic!

Anws, we made it to the other side.
had to rescue them although i fall on the slope and was on my knees.
They were both screaming,' Fana! Lopez!Lopez!'..
Like im only suppose to save the lopez and not them. Lol.
well whatever it is, it's just damn funny if u all were there.
Ok nvm. Next is erm..

Yeah. I just first tried gambling just now.
Which i don't find interesting esp when playing 21!
Sumpah i was bored to tears k!
Daidee was ok i guess. But still entala ehk..

Anws my mom didnt call me even though it was pass 11pm.
Which is annoying cause she always call when i did sth g0od.
Like today gambling, tk call. Semlm betol2 g library, call bising suro balek.
Ape saje tah.. tk annoying pe mak gini.

x still a long way to go right?

2008-11-20T07:02:00.000-08:00

I can't take this anymore!!
Every SINGLE day i have to lead my life with drama.
if there's more to come.. damn i'm not looking forward to it!

Maybe i should start having resolutions next year.
Maybe that's why life has been sucha haywire all the time.
" Fuck resolutions... Whatever comes, just deal with it... Whatever, shit happens."
You know what? All that if it happens once in awhile is good.
Brings some kick in life right. But all the time??
dammit! it's like someone kicking me every single day till by the end of the year
i have like 365 bruises on me. Yeah! FUck too much drama !! its driving me crazie!

At the start, it's fun ya noe. but as time pass, im just getting tired of it.
and im not looking forward to another drama for the moment.
it makes me paranoid, sad, frustrated.. all the feelings mix around..

from the start of the year to the end, it's still full of drama?
damn, let's recount.

- first time clubbing & some hot indian chinese guy tried to make me drunk & do
stupid things.
- Worst revenge ever which is kenal2 with my own bf's brother. hahaha!
- 2 months being with this matrep & he wants me to nikah with him. fuck!
- Plus, he wants me to go court with him to win over baby's custody.
- which also means my ex is a divorced and had a baby with him. sape nk g lyn?
- Never met a matrep who loves putting dogs in the fridge and squeezing fishes
till the eyes pop out.
- Parents caught me smoking.
- Parents caught me drinking.
- Endless letters from school of fucking poor attendance.
- Worst heartbreak ever over last ex. ( if there's much more worse to come,
i think im giving up on love right now )
- i was at a point of getting strangled by the opposite sex.
- too much crying in public. keep on bursting into tears at the wrong time. in the bus, in class, during presentation, while walking, while trying to sleep..u name it.
- was drag to a beach from a club and this fucker tried to psycho me to do sex with him. nabei!
- saw my own friend in a one-on-one fight. but it's not one on one la. it's actually two-on-one. which means they are chibai sorelosers!
- mom cried in front of me because of all the shit i do. see im sucha a nuisance..
- never felt so much love before it almost drive me crazy.
- 7 waterbombs out of nowhere thrown on me & my ex. but all we can see are trees? - called 999 over a suspicious bag & all we get in that bag are just black clothes, scissors & metal stuff. lol!
- lost a great deal of body mass. 7kg in a week? try beating that!
- my latest maid is a sex maniac, pervert, lesbian, always on the phone, watch tv
when my parents not arnd.. fuck u la!!!!worst maid ever. if i have a gun, i would
have killed u right now!!
- & my previous maid is great at psychoing pple. 2-face fucker!! i dunno how many
jewelry's & cash of totaling to thousands of dollars she stole anw.. and got the
cheek to accuse me & my brothers..
- never knew i could write poems about love. haha!
- drink drink & drink. everyday for a week. then became once twice a week. fuck! since when i like drinking sia..
- first time crying in front of a guy. and to think im full of ego..
- me & my ex on the same bed right beside a couple doing sex. disgusting!
- manage to get on the rooftop of my hdb. i wanted to go to the edge but i was so
scared i would fall off. haha!
- did sex with my beloved in the c*****. im not gonna say it. religious issue beb!
can create riot over this. conferm shit.

i just cant write no more. maybe i'll continue next time. it's an endless list anw.
so that's life SO FAR in 2008. hahaha! i'll finish it up sometime later. when i gt the mood ya..

- disappointing then shock

2008-11-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

the SHOCK just took over the disappointing feeling anyways.
it was SHOCK cause the guys & girls i and zana got to know just now were my brother's friend.
SUMPAH shock. and my bro was like' kau g balek skrg. takmo nk menggatal'.
Hahaha! in the first place bukan pasal menggatal.
that's way off the point of me and Zana's aim for today.
we wanted sth else. lol..

but heck were we shock man. every single one of us.
from wan techno to nizam?? hahaha.
i have no comment beb no comments.

x detailed fish theory

2008-10-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

ok. another thing i wanna talk about. forgot to put in the previous post.
but suddenly i like remember like that.
so i dunno why but people love throwing me with that 'fish theory'.
it never stop! and its getting on my nerve.
u noe the fish theory: there are so many fishes in the sea.
zZzzZzzzz

ok. just to make u all stop asking me and telling me the ' fish theory' again.
ill further explain the ' fish theory' for all of u.

ok heres my ans to the annoying fish theory..
there are many fishes in the sea.
u can fish as many as u want right?
but theres always one that taste sooo good.
( now im really getting to the point )
only just one that u noe u'll nvr get again.
and when that fish is gone.
u went fishing again.
u fish and fish but u cant seem to get one better than that.
but if get ah, even better.
( meaning first fish wasnt right for me ah..)
as u fish and fish, u'll somehow forget the ooh so tasteful fish.
but when u saw or hear sth resembling it..
that fish just will come back to mind.

now.there.im done. if u wanna talk summore bout fishes.
come. i explained even further. haha!
and if u wanna say about the ingredients put into the fishes..
well lets just say.. i cook my style. my way.
so its always the same way for me of cooking.
thus if the fish damn tasteful still cant forget la.

wah.. at last done with that theory. ( i hope so ) haha!

x caught indirectly

2008-10-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

yes. a great way to start the day with.
mom caught me drinking and well what do u expect..
in my diary, all the drinks come out. smirnoff red,johnny walker red label.
where the heck am i gonna hide anymore rite?

although it was a fun time for me.
i know i was like a bitch or whatever u wanna kol me.
with that super sexy dress and getting low on the floor.
but hey, seriously. when u broke up wif someone u love,
u just feel like getting high and having fun and bitching around.
try that wif tt person u love, n u'll noe wad i mean.

with the drunk idiot wanting to beat up everyone in his way.
the drunk idiot who keeps on asking abt me and so i have to avoid him at all times.
haha!luckily the place is big.
with the shots from that big2 proffesionals use kinda camera posting with this shades guy.
and drink2 like idiots. walk here walk there.
and getting to know 16 years old who wants me to teach them how to dance. so cute.
and walking around the fishing jetty while the police screen our place.
and also having gerek pple there sweet 16 yr old who in anyway find so hard a place 4 me to slp.
and squeezing 3 girls on a single bed and yet snd asleep right under the air-con.
and looking like a pocong with 3 slimots covering us from head to toe. haha!
and waking up having someone asking for my number. so funny.
and yeah, then getting nasi lemak frm the 16 yr olds. very sweet la u all. seriously..
and overall,the chalet is great. i mean it.

n another thing..theres diz i-duno-whr-this-fucking-minamatreps-appear-frm pple at my area.
seriously.its like suddenly of the suddenly for all the years i have lepak at my area.
and suddenly. there they were ..another grp of matreps n minareps..
sure is a gangster paradise down here.
and they're so obviously sec sch peeps. durh..
it was so annoying. the whole POD is flooded with them.
i went in and everyone just stared. stare like nvr see girl before..
and they went..
" baek per .."
"fana."
"kau kenal dier"..
k 3 voices and thats all i hear. from whom i dun care.
all of them with their super blonde hair and everything.
i cant even seem to differentiate.
and i was like when in the toilet. who the heck r they? and hw they noe my name..zzzz..
nga dlm toilet pon nk kacau..nk bukak pintu la..mane tk mcm budak2..haiz..
bile kua. its still the same thing. everyone stare summore.
my god. whats their fucking problem..
bile nk kua worst..
someone said," saket sak ngok dier".
nabei chibai . gt problem issit..
ahh fuck la. nvr see girl wear dress ah..
my fucking problem wad i wanna wear. u can see but u cant touch.
its ok having a day of bitching and not everyday. get what i mean?
ass!!! da kua pon..pod is like made up of transparent glass..and they're still staring..
until the place out of sight baru wah aman sikit.. haha!

anws its sad ya noe,although im like turning 18 in less than a month time.
i guess clubbing can kirim salam. after my mom like tt oredi.

when mom cried, it like get into me.but when she starts being so unreasonable.
the more fed up i got. yeah..

ok. i learnt my lesson to only write about me online only.
no more diary writings anymore. huhu.

x suddenly i feel like being 18.

2008-10-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

suddenly like got so many things to post about. haha!

this 2 days i had a really weird thing going on. ok make it 2.
first strangers talk to me all at the wrong time leaving me like gong gong.
second, what's with the 18 thingee ?

right. yesterday i was otw to meeting murni across my neighbourhood.
and yala so i haf to cross the traffic light.
As i was waiting for the traffic light to turn green, I stood there like other's would.
There were people also standing and waiting, as usual.
The guy in pink baju kurong in front of me and a mama wearing black shirt.
Then suddenly SUDDENLY i heard someone shouting , ' U!!!U!!!FANA!!!'.
i like panic awhile la. durh! i look here look there and my heart beat so fast.
i was wondering ' nie org da lame pe tk jumpe aku.. sampai gitu skalie.. '

and guess who? it's wan in a teksi..with the window screen down and half of his body out.
he and his green t-shit waving.. seriously, i was stunned!
for awhile jer, then bile da get back to my senses, i gave the sign ' call me'.
msg tk reply. call ppd kosong. bile nmpk kt lua lambai pekik mcm nk aper..
giler peh laki..laki yg aku rindu giler babi nie.

ok. back to where i was. i look back waiting for the traffic light to turn green.
when the pink guy in baju kurong turn and face me.
' tu laki ****** nyer kan?' ...
then ah.. i like so blank so stunned so i dunno wad.
i gave that gong gong look and go ' ah? ' ..
haha! funny world la..

so i got my dress for mad's chalet turn club with a dress code that i feel so lazy to follow by.
can't wait till the 15th.. woohoo!

ok today we went eat2. n lepak.
first stop was the slipper shop at prime..
and guess who's there..
the one of the girl from the pendek grp from 4t..
i mean my sec sch..
so i murni and zana stood there..
and u noe wad she did.. she give us this look..
like from the corner of our eyes we can see u noe..
this stare mcm kite bayank peh takot gitu..
kening da stoppit.. alamak..and muni was like..
pk kite bynknyer takot pe..
but seriously la. someone yang mintak kene yakdish! jer. haha!!

ok next stop is our eating place.
i eat right until i choke on the tom yam soup.
wah! burning sei my throat. eat ice cream oso not helping.
root beer float oso not helping. so what i did is...
RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN all the way to the toilet.
and i vomited. i vomit and vomit so much. all the food like come out liddat.
then gt diz lady who went beside me and wash her hand while looking at me.
then as my eyes faced hers.. she started talking..
' are you ok ? ' and i was like ' ya. im fine '
and then she's like hesitating to say something ya noe..
like what she says could hurt me internally and maybe physically..
and she went , ' erm.. Are you pregnant ? '
!@#*&^&*^()#)*Q(**(*!#@$@
i dunno how to describe my feelings then. It was like what i wrote above. haha!
wth! yes ok fine.what she says is super insulting. like i look like some muthafucking cheap girl
OR i look super adult. zzzzzzz...

then i was gong gong again. that moment.blank..
and i quickly get back to my senses..and said in a nice proper way..
padehal rase macam nk yakdish! muke dier.. haha!
and i went , ' Oh no! Im not pregnant. I choke on something.Tom yam soup it gets on my throat.. and it felt like burning.. '..
and she said like so calmly,' oh! that..u cant try keep on vomitting.go drink some water.'..
ooook! i get it.. zzzzz..what's with the strangers.. lol..

then third stop is lepak.
we went at the mama shop bought crickets.lots and lots of it.
so funny.. the mama must be wondering what we're up to. lol
then we sat at the table near the mama shop and play cards.
and play wif the crickets.. like dumbasses.
then i volunteered to buy the keropok..
kempunan dok!
and it takes about 20 seconds to reach the mama shop..
i was just half way when this grp of guys in baju rayer approached me.
i was like,' what!what!'..
and the guy went,' kak! erm bole mintak belikan rokok tak'..
u noe.. if i was alone there.. i realli realli realli dunno where to put my face sia..
im very the very close to 18 but sadly im not ok!
luckily my friends were there.. there to save my water face.
and i went,' zana. kau bawak ic tak? drg nk beli rkk ah?'..
chey..cam phm sak fana.kirekan ckp gitu kirekan tk bwk ic ah.. hahaha!
so zana bought for them the rokok. wah wad a day!

when i reach home, i went online. so i thought all this shit is over rite..
cause im home. safe and sound..but theres yet to come..
hydd was talking to me about mad's chalet turn club..
and here goes..

- fanana says:
g club agi?
H Y D D deluna. Honest Mistake. says:
thursday gi dblo.
H Y D D deluna. Honest Mistake. says:
anw, nak gi dblo next week?
- fanana says:
aku lom 18 la!!!!!
- fanana says:
haiz
H Y D D deluna. Honest Mistake. says:
ishkkk !
H Y D D deluna. Honest Mistake. says:
aaaaah laaaa !

wah! panas jer.. lepas satu lagi satu..
baru skit ari g shisha mintak ic..
and i was like fucking dumbass.
have to sit in between zana and murni and senyap2 isap shisha.
not even my rokok can pegang..
summore the pekerje keep on eyeing me.wtf!

and wani called me just now.
asking me if we're going shisha tmr..
and i was like tkde duet..sori..
and also the most impt part is..
i wont enjoy if i im not legal and can't smoke tt thing.
haiz.. and she was like.. k2 bdae kau ah kite g..
haha! wani klaka ah kau.. bdae lagi lame cik kak oi!

dala my friends oredi leave me behind for the theory test for car license..
cause my bdae too far behind.. they cant wait.. haiz..
and wan keep on asking me about license..
wow! from i can wait to be 18 becomes i super cant wait to be 18..
saba jer fana.bersabar! less than a month more to go.. =)

x my first love

2008-10-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I want you to know that you're the best thing that had happen in my life.
And im very grateful for everything that you have showed me.
You showed me what is really love.
You showed me how to see an imperfect guy perfectly.
And i know you feel the same way too, right sayang ?

But sadly, what goes up must come down.
Now let's just go our seperate ways.
Fullfill what we have to for our future.

Although we're apart now
There's one thing for sure, that you're always be a part of me.
And that you'll never be forgotten.
If anyone ask who's my first love, is you my dear.
If I do walk pass our places, it's you that'll flood my mind.
If im cleaning my house, and I find the watch, your face comes into picture.
Trust me, i'll never forget you.

If ever you miss me or have any problems,
do message me k. I'll do the same for you.

Last but not least,
I promise you dear, that if I find a better guy,
I'll tell you. But if not, I promise you with all my heart
that I'll find you back after I finish school k.
And that i'll stay with you till the end of time.
Like what people say , ' If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, that's how you know'.

- Khas untukmu, yang tersayang
( Farhanah & Wan Khairullah, 220707 - 180908 )

x weeee...

2008-09-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

i guess this few days are alright.
went to vivo yesterday with murni and watch disaster movie.
I think it's way better than epic movie..scary movie and meet the spartans..
it was so funny !
esp the juno girl with her hands and eyes so fucking irritating..
and high school musical are bloody gay in their friends forever song. hahah!
ok watch and u noe wad i mean..

i met wan just now.
and gave him an advance bdae present.

got one part i was shock myself..
cause afiq said,' this song like suit u and wan. like wan getting back wif his ex'..
and i went,'' huh!?! who..? '..
Afiq was like giving me the durh face..
and i was like ' shit! he is my ex. how can i forget that?'..
haiz.. haha! i dunno. it's like the way wan speak to me all..
like everything is fine between us. like we nvr broke up.
i dunno.

and everyone thinks ill get back with him.
but i dunno. we may never noe.. although i dont think so.
i noe we break patch alot. but i really mean it that this is FOR REAL.
but i dunno abt the ' when we have move on. seeing each other just makes memories flood back'.
erm that theory. so sad. like u tried ur best not to dwell about the past..
and yet.. after moving on successfully. everything falls back and u haf to dwell abt it again.
seems funny.snds funny. but being in it is not funny. haha!
and yar pls. i dont wanna noe wad's next abt us ok. ..

for now. let's just have some fun.
counting the days to my birthday..
seriously, when am i gonna be 18..
everyone's like 18 except me like that.haiz.

x so damn tired.

2008-09-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

like my days can't get anymore exhausting.
i have to work for the weekends from 1pm to 9pm.
i hate that job.im never gonna do that again.
so many mats. so tired of standing. so boring talking the same old thing to diff customers.
and although many staff guys like ask me ' wanna go eat and blablabla '.
i really dunno. the fact that im in no mood or in no mood for guys makes me reject their offer.

so yes. i regret a little. during buke time, i sat alone at the carpark.
eat alone, smoke alone. at first it was horrible. i couldnt find any place to seat.
then there was one particular small space for me right beside this couple.
i just was trying to make myself busy looking at my hp. but as i scroll thru my msgs.
i realize im just a plain lonely girl. seriously.
so yeah, i ate alone and everything. go to the toilet. walk2 then head back for work.

i dunno. and so much of monday caboting. there's fucking UT sia. now i have to go to school.
ok y not. i just come for class for exams. ok2.
and i guess my PP ill just do it next year.
if not for this work,i could have finish it up. haiz..

and yeah, i was hoping time would go by faster you know.
it's like after the break-up, i felt like time pass so frigging slow.
although i felt like its a month since we broke up, it's only 11 days. zzzzzz..
fuck life ! fuck life! fuck life!

and yarh, i was just wondering why all the badstuff happens on puase days.
yarh. i got from ok2 times to a major drop down the drain..
now, im just trying to pull myself strong to move on and do whatever i can.
ok.time for work.another boring day alone at the carpark, i guess.

2008-09-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

When i tie my hair.. hahaha! i look like im innocent from everything..
Main point: Guess who's hiding behind my new guess bag?
It's doggy! Can't help the fact that children gave my father this for teacher's day. And fyi my father just turn 59. haha!
That was my new guess bag. For rayer and then for casual outings.
Oh! I just find this waller or whatever so useful. It keeps your hp at one side. Coins, notes and cards in another. Plus a bonus handle so i won't lose it!!!
Charles and keith Parkway parade. Yeah! Heels for rayer..
and pumps for casual and school..
and when i got home from shopping, i was so shock that my whole room was so spick & span.
And the most wonderful thing is all my earrings are back into place. or else satu ade satu tk tau kt maner..yay!
And at last i got my gold plus white gold ring. and bracelet. both from giftwell.
Zyla had hand over me the dress.. so now im ready to use. Even my mom thinks it's nice!
Matured sei fana. hahaha!
and not so matured sei.. k fine..i noe its lame..
stupid face!
all smiles from fanana..
i love this picture except the feet part. makes my feet look big . lol..
trying a minah pose. hehehe..

ok. About today.. I was having sucha bad day, ya noe.
i went to school although i got an early bus there.
the worst has yet to come.
it was horrible. i lost 40 plus bucks while walking to school.
and from there i really had no mood that i went home.
I was really scared to tell my mom.
and all i was wondering was..what's next..
people pity me for the broken heart. people pity me for the lost of money.
zzzzzzzzz......when is this gonna end man..

so yeah. i was waiting for the bus and smoking.
when this apek come to me ask in chinese..gt ciggs..
then i say dun haf lor..
den he walk..cause my bag was quite open..
he got the cheek to peer in my bag from afar..
tk puas per.. saba jer..

so i guess going home was a good idea.
cause mom brought me out to buy rayer stuff!
i hadnt buy a single thing.
and that's when i got my guess bag, gold ring, gold bracelet, mini kurung, st louis wallet + pouch, pumps and heels. haha! shopping heaven.

went home then lepak wif normal friends b4 going home again to buke.
didnt go out. so as not to make me think of issues.. i made myself busy
after watching totally spies with taking pictures of all sorts..
as what ive posted mostly up there. haha!

ok. that's all for today. im already sleepy..
and yeah.. i still cant get u outta my head..
and im surprised that i dont regret rejecting all guys kenal2 for now.
im not in the mood and im not ready for the next outcome of the relationship.
and basically, im not over him yet. haiz..

x let me tell you..

2008-09-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

i know there are many fishes/boys out there..
i know i should just move on..

But hey, you think i can forget things so easily.
it's just 2 days, come on.
you can't expect me to forget 426 days of relationship in 2 days right?
so just lemme chill ok..

and when you're found the guy u just find so perfect.
someone you're so used to..
u think i could find another guy just like him..

ive been out with so many guys but all i find aint as perfect as him..
but if i could find someone more perfect than him..that would be better..
someone who'll give me more than people throwing water on us..
someone who'll give me more than the finger games we created..
someone who'll give me more than a first date at sentosa..
get that someone for me and ill totally forget wan ok..
well not totally forget, provided that he is my first love.

hmmm.. if u all say him going means ill get a better one out there..
let's just see ok..
provided that i hate relationships that is not dramatic. seriously...
the more drama, the better.
that's why i broke up with all my ex's..

so yeah, what im trying to say.. lemme chill..
i really need time of my own..

x go tell the whole world la..

2008-09-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

so what now..
i thought we're suppose to be friends..
i thought it's all over..
and yet, there goes your friend talking to me.
there goes all the shit starting to run in my head again..

i was really trying my fucking best to move on.
and now? there goes this shit again.

and for you to think my life is so great.
yeah, life's great men.
I lived in sucha perfect world.
Life's fucking perfect when my mom thinks im the most idiotic in the family.
it's perfect when the guy i really love left so suddenly.
it's perfect when i have a week to pass up my fucking project..
it's perfect that im crying every day publicly or not..
it's perfect when im struggling to pay my bills..
it's perfect in every way..
it's perfect to see all my girlfriends with their guys..
it's perfect to know that everyone thinks im a lunatic with that 'bomoh' shit going around..
it's perfect that i fucking feel lonely..
it's just perfect.

Go! Go tell all your friends..
tell them,' you're scared and whatever fuck'.
i thought we had a deal there somewhere.
i thought i make it clear i wont do anything and that we're friends..
and what's this man.. what is this..

im trying my best to be friends with u.
even if i feel like klau teserempak..
i know im just crying in my heart..
but i just act ok ill act my very best in front of u..
to try act as a friend.. i promise ill try..

yeah. thanks for adding more burdens in my life. Just thanks for everything..
and now i had this fucking dream this morning..
yeah u were msging me..
saying, u nga uat pe'..
and i replied as usual and i ask,' u ktne?'..
and u said,' im at my baby's at boon lay'.
and i didnt reply after that.

when i woke up, i can feel that sickening feeling in my heart.
yeah. i dunno what ur friends r thinking..
so they think girls r like that..
they think they know too much..
ask them to find someone they truly love and ask the girl to break with them..
ask them to try.. just try..
then tell me straight to my face how they feel..

and if u haf friends who have gone years with their girls..
ask them whether they r friends with that girl still?

don't talk to me like u all know anything..
u dunno how i feel..
that is why i only ask advices from the ones whom had a status YEAR in their relationship b4.
i dont ask someone who hasnt even reach that peak.
it's like asking them ,' how's my life like?'..
fuck! they're fucking clueless.
they can only tell u things like mcm phm.

im not trying to insult. but im telling u what my thoughts are.
and i tried asking some people for advice.
im sorry but i swear whatever u all say doesnt make sense.

ok..
yeah sure.. if you all really wanna crumble my life.
yes. ok.. i got it.. you've been half way successful.
im already crumbling.. hows that..
now you're all happy?

x Moving on

2008-09-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you know what. When i actually read back all the recent posts..
seriously it's all about fighting with wan and whatever.
But that's when i realize i always post when we fight.
If not, i cant be bothered. Too happy till i forget my blog, i guess..

Lol. I'm not trying to make wan look bad down here.
But yeah, it's my blog. What i write may be about that day, but you dunno what happens the next.
So don't go around saying,' hey this and that about me' when that is soo yesterday.

For what problems i had now, seriously it's just between my friends and i don't feel like telling the world about me today. There's a difference telling the world and telling only to those whom i trust.
I write vague issues here sometimes to the extend people would think differently.
I talk detailed issues to trusted ones and only they know whats really happening.

So yeah, i was really pissed off today.
Wassup with the malay guys in school today?
They're like extra not normal, so weird, i dunno.
I just have to come out of class. Just come out havent even reach the lift.
And there's this 2 malay guys look at me..
and i gave this stare back like not happy. haha!
and he was like talking about me even when im waiting for the lift..
even when im in the lift and the lift wanna close..
still TALKING about me..

' eh cibai! tkde lagi kuat pe bobal.. '
felt like saying that to him. but who noes he'll be my clssmate one day.
i cant afford to make enemies wif my clssmates ya noe..
part of my grades are basically because of them.
he was talking like,' eh pompan tu baek pe.. blablabla'

so i reach downstairs first level and walk towards the coffeshop to meet b0nzer!
when another group of guys call my name.
i heard that clearly. thought it was my friend or sumthing.
i turn back and it was ???..
??? 3 mly guys mats yp's..chey kurang ajar plak.. i think look at me ???
and i swear i dont recognize them. forgodsake!
RP mats are scaring me, period!!!
they just look .all 3 of them. my mind was blank. durh.
who da fark are they anw.
and walk off. durh.. bonzer was waiting anws..

well then after school, i met wani at the school entrance.
when someone 'sweet'.
and naturally we would turn our heads to see if its our friends.
because ' sweet' is too general to call out someone..
and its da black metal guys and some friends. malays. again! some mats i guess. pfft!
i look right and they were looking at our direction.
so i look left and there is no one.
and one of them shout,' leh knl2?'

k stoppit! i was just talking to murni yesterday about
i dont think im gonna date guys till like months and months later.
and for now generally im hating them or 4bia of them .
and now these!?!
wth is wrong sia..

great! thanks for making my day ah people.
not that i wanna boast ' wah. laki ngok aku.laki nk knl2 ngn aku'..
i swear thats the last thing in mind. but somehow they even
make me more hating the mly guys..
ass! ive just gone through super rough moments the day before.
and i know it's gonna take a long hell of time for me to get over it.
fuck la!!

and guess what? i dont have to be scared of the makcik who sell mee soto animore.
she thinks im chinese !! haha!!
so time tkle puase jom mkn! =)
i was waiting for that moment.
i was really getting more and more lemah each day going to school. hahh!

x this is the end.

2008-09-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

and i guess everything from the start is a waste rite?
and in the end, so much of hate became love.
to me now it's more of hate became love became hate again.
as i read thru his message again and again.

for once, i couldn't control my temper.
All i felt like doing is punch his face until kemek.
i mean thats how i feel not that its ever possible.
maybe can punch but as u noe he is violent.

I felt like if i have a weapon, i would really stab him until he die.
ya! i really want him to die.
thanks for making me wait for so many months..
and now u wanna break up because we've grown apart.

that is super kental la.
dala mintak break thru message.
and the reason wah! buat org panas jer..
i swear i feel like killing him. cause he totally deserve to die.

not that im sounding lunatic. But after trying to be his faithful gf once twice thrice..
and now he makes me wait.. and now he wants to break up.
He wanted the time-out desperately.
and so i give in.
and now he wanted way over that.
to break up for growing apart.

and the way he say it it's as if i'll accept what he say.
but obviously not! because he is the one who want s the time-out.
and time-out means having your own time.
and obviously that leads to growing apart.
and that his time-out is way too long.
u see? how can i not be mad?
how can i not seem like a lunatic who wants to kill him?

i swear in the bus home from school..
i was imagining myself punching him at all angles.
i was really too out of control of my anger.
but who can control when sucha situation happens.

fuck la.. now i cant wait to meet him.
i swear i feel like pulling his hair.
burn all the things i haf about him.
and i dunt wish to noe that our relationship ever existed.
and i wont accept anything he say for sure.
cause what i see is that he only cares for himself.
selfish fucker! kau kojol pon bagos!!!!

tk pena aku geram sangat.
and now i want my money back.
and ill make sure that we're nto even friends after the breakup.
damn you wan khairullah! damn you!!!!!

one more thing

2008-09-15T08:17:00.001-07:00

oh just about one more thing i wanna update.
i was just wondering..
what's with the 15 year old's trying to look 18. seriously.
it's like fucking dumb la.

even im turning 18 and im like still clad in jeans and t-shirt.
and proud to look like a 16/17 year old.
cause why bother looking older.
and what when you're 30 you're gonna look like 40?
bullshit! when i was 15, super way-over tone of foundation wasn't my thing.
just eyeliners ok. not even close to blusher.

now with the mountain eyebrows. and white-face-dark-necks/white-face-dark-armslegs.
pretty much look like opera pple and it's just not natural.
what happens to natural looks? what happens to the glowy faces?
and at least if u wanna wear make-up, wear it the right way.
idiot 15 year olds.dumb i must say.

it's not that im saying aku kakak2 or wad ever the shit.
i am not. although i am older, i don't go way overboard with my make-up like u all do.
i know my make-up well. i read the books and follow seminars well.
make-up is just to lighten up your pale face not make u look like a puppet.

and worst esp those mountain eyebrows plus wide eyes.
it's like you're looking amaze or shock 24/7.. haha! fuck la.
these people just cant see how dumb they are.
and how stupid they look.

i pity these people really.
wondering what's in their mind. what are their values..
what do they want.. attention for the wrong things?
sick! i swear u all r sick! haha!

well till then, although it's fun having all these people around.
or else who can we start insulting.. =)

and if u feel like you're one of them..
and u wanna say,' ala. mepek jer nie pompan. mcm phm..'
well guess wad. say that to the mirror dont say that to me.

x i love it!

2008-09-15T08:02:00.001-07:00

i was suppose to go to school.
seriously, it was all a 'i am ready but something stop me from going to school' issue again.
i couldn't make it with that upset stomach again.
this time round i need the doctor to check whats with the constant upsetting of my stomach.
well yeah, i was awake already so as i lay on my bed.
it kept me thinking of things again.
so i msg wan a random qns..

it was really random. i swear.. until he have to call.
it goes like,' if u haf aniting to tell me u better tell or ill be waiting like an idiot. if
not. then its ok. ill just wait'..
i dunno how that question pop out of my mind.
maybe first im bored.
second im worried that he didnt reply my message yesterday.
but yeah he called and ask whats that about.
and i answered honestly that i dunno. haha!
ok thats random.

but well had a great day after all.
cause i went out and thought that i would wait 4 murni under her blk.
thats when an 'idiot' ask for my number.
obviously i didnt give.
I knew him as 'the idiot at that blk' from murni. durh..
i recognize him instantly and i cant be bothered..

so in the end, i went up to murni's..
cause i cant stand the fact that i have to layan the idiot.
yeah. we walk and walk till at afghan.
cant wait for eyebrow threading. woohoo!
and we made our way to geylang.
had our dinner before we head for grandlink.

it was my first time singing.
i wasnt ackward like when im wif my boiffey.
i just sang like nobody's business.
and everyone was gerek la.
cause no one was ackward at all.
and i cant believe i and murni were singing lagu isabella like dumbasses.
with those big rough voices. we were trying so hard.
but it sounded like high pitch voices instead.
yes. disastrous but whatever we had fun..
singing and laughing.. haha!

then we head back home.
sat under a blk wif zana and nad.
light a cigg and i just cant believe it.
it's like the entire area doesn't seem like its only 10.45pm.
but more like 1am. funny la.
well head back and now i seriously need sleep.
or ill never get up for school tmr. cya!

trust no more

2008-09-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

don't remind me that i have lost all trust on you.
Just don't remind me.

Shit! i cant even trust that you love me.
How am i suppose to trust the rest of everything..
fuck la! sorry that im unsure of everything about you now.
don't blame me. accept the fact that we're totally growing apart.
We have grown apart but you stupid idiot can't get outta my head.
stupid stupid stupid!

one year of nothing. one year of waste.
fuck you! you selfish heartless fucker.. !

x when i explode

2008-09-05T08:24:00.001-07:00

Aite. Finally i'll update.
It has been a hell of a time this few days.
From damn shit big fights to back to school .

I had a bad night the day before school reopen.
Yeah, don't wanna talk about it.
I don't think I've ever shout like that before.
And i know orang2 kt atas blk confem menyumpah!
haha! summore a fight where we shout on top of our lungs. lol!
And i know i was fierce that moment.
But hey, sometimes when you're angry,
you tend to do things that shock you. Haha!

Ok. School was alright.
I forever deserve those stares when i came into class the first time.
It's those I know all of them are saying,' Alamak. Ade minah dalam class nie ah.'
Dammit. Dont judge a book by it's cover.
It's insulting when in the end people start talking to me.
And told me straight to my face,' I thought u mina.'
or ' u look like someone we cant approach.'

erm....OK!
and that wasn't it. Even the next day people start calling me minah.
Every semester that's my bloody nick name.
and of course other than insults i get praises too ok.
Like every semester.. ' u look like doll' or ' u r pretty.'
It's not that im trying to boast but it's very funny that
im a ' minah' and the next they would say im pretty or dolly or watever..
Funny people la. Insult and praise the next.
Maybe i should try that some time.

But whatever u call me just call la.
I dont mind. Im used to it. haha!

And another thing Im like so curious about..
people always like want to see my pictures..
And they keep on saying i dont look like any of them.
Well, i was insulted again.
Im sorry. I dont get how to take pictures to make the picture
look sooo like me in real life.
It's weird ya noe.
Like every semester in a new class..
they would say,' i wanna see ur pic'
and then,'That's you?'..
Ok.Ok. i know.
And what dont tell me even the third year ive to face this 3 things again.
zzzzzz...

Ok. Till then...

x all in a package

2008-08-31T07:55:00.000-07:00

The order of the pictures are like so jumbled up. Nvm. I cant be bothered to spent my time figuring out how to put it all in order. At least they are load up. Sorry i was bored at home. Being the the first day fo terawih and even the void decks are damn quiet. ZZzzzZZ.. And that baby doesnt reply to a single message i send him. How sad. But oh well. Here are my pictures. And i love them. And i dont care if baby's gonna say its ugly but to me its just nice. =)
I was trying out the Clinique mascara that i was trying to find all over my room. In the end, I got it.

So today my mommy got a great surprise for me. She really is full of surprises. She came home with a big bag of cosmetics. And gave me this. Woohoo! I was overjoyed since that morning. Cause it was really a bad boring day. Until my mom had this coming for me. How sweet.. I got a M.A.C lipgloss and concealer PLUS a Bobbi Brown blusher. Damn, was i happy. Seriously, make-up is one of a girl's bestfriend. Just one. Still got alot more. Hehe..

I tried the cosmetics. And it turns out wonderful on me. Damn, i love this picture. So far the best among the rest in my new handphone. Yeah!

I look evil, to me la. But still sometimes evil pictures look nice too. Nyehehe.
Ok. My face look retarded but who cares. I love the new dress which i suddenly wanted to buy at Bugis. Yes, its cheap. 10 dollars only. ;p.. but i loike..

And i find this so funny. I was so obviously trying to tonggek. Haha! i admit la but so what so obvious oredi. But then hor, it makes the dress look like those fairytale where the below like big2 round2.. u noe? k nvm if u dunno. Yar,!!! oh it makes it look like a gown. K2..now i got the word. If i where this out, my bf's gonna kill me i guess. Huhu.. Yes, if u wanna noe y i tonggek-ing.. Cause my bf say my butt like flat. And no offence dear. I noe u got alot of friends out there. But sometimes, why it look so big is because they are just bearly tonggek-ing. Seriously. Im a girl who speaks my mind off. So there im telling you.. ok. now to my entry..

Today i went for blaja ugame. Yeah, im sorry mom cause i dont feel like listening today. I was damn tired. And i went home and sleep sleep sleep. Eat sleep play game eat sleep watch teevee. How boring. Until my mom brought me the cosmetics. That one bring full of joys for me. It even bring my mood up abit even though baby couldnt go out on a date with me. =( .. sad uh. Stay at home eat and eat and eat.

Ok at night, i couldnt take it no more, i went out for a while. Meet Nad and lepak under the voiddeck. Yes, it seems like it's already midnight but its only 9pm. Wth..

Ok. Then i got back and i was bored. So i couldnt resist trying the make-up out and so i did. Thats where i got pictures galore which i post up there. =)

Ok. Bye!

x what a day

2008-08-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

alright. i cant really should be posting about today.
erm cause whatever happens today that certain person
shouldnt be knowing. hehe..

i went out for a movie and dats it went home. zzzz..

and at least i pass my gpa..nyehehe.
ok. tomorrow it going to be a busy day of walking here and there..
and class come out already..omg!!!K bye..

x great, im missing you.

2008-08-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well it was hard ok waking up.
But i think today is pretty much an ok day.
pretty perfect for a lepak day.

Went to hougang with murni to see the doctor.
Head back and hang-out at pod and osiris.
Yeah. And today patience is really rewarding.
cause i got my menthol at last. woohoo!
and everyone seem extra friendly today..hmmm..

ok. i dunno wad else.but i damn miss baby although i saw hym just now.
at first i wasnt in the mood.
cause all awhile he doesnt seem to want to contact me.
you know, like msg pon brape patah jer..
i know its pretty normal.
But with very much lesser datings,
i think msging and calling more would help.
With lesser datings, i tend to be more sensitive.
Cause all the weird thoughts would pop out
& ill start thinking negatively.
Haiz.. i dunno if patience would be rewarding for THIS...
well ill try..well actually i am trying..

school's starting next week. and i only got either 3 or 4 days in school.
bloody hell.. alright. i think time to play games. woohoo..

x another rainy day

2008-08-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

it was quite boring i guess.
i woke up damn late. cant seem to get out of bed.
i know i dont update all the time.
but all this for the sake of an assignment for school. hahh!
if not i really cant be bothered to update something boring.

alright. i just went out to chill with my friends.
played taitee.smoke.munching on ruffles.
that's the day for me.

and dont tell me it's gonna rain every single day for the entire holidays.

x hahaha. Let's practice

2008-08-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

K i dunno whats that about.. experimenting taking a pic with my mouth wide open..
I look like a cool fucking retard. Haha! i loike this pic.. mcm nk teberak or just woke up frm slp.
k2...hmmm i kinda like this too..
and it deosnt look like me right? hahaha...
erm..?

i swear i look like bapok.. but yes another funny pic of me.
zyla and fana while waiting for two girls peeing.
my new phone!!!

awww. i loike this one too..sooo here's my entry for today..

I was dragging my tired body all arnd johor this morning.

Yes.. I only had 3 hrs of frigging sleep.

slept at 3am and woke up at 6am.

It was really dreadful.

and when finally i reach Sg at 3pm, i was like almost dead. hahh! k not.

I mean yeah..can't take it with the weather so cold.

Its annoying that baby hadnt gone home yet at 3pm since last night. wth!

and alright gt a gd sleep b4 chilling with my friends at night. huhu...

And yes i was practicing my taking pics skill. trying diff angles and stuff.

So finally a whole lot more pics uploaded. woohoo..

x 4bia

2008-08-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

i wanted to keep my friends pics so when they call their faces wld pop out. and i just it so funny. ok here are their so called passport pics which they are surprisingly willing to take. this is Zana.
Murni look so frigging stoink can. hahaha! what a face..
n Wan Khairullah in green. the pics just meant to be of him. didnt know i capture 3 in one. he look so mat rep la. with his super colourful cap?? and gold necklace and earrings and tattoo. zzzz.. haiz. Bile la kau nak berubah nak.. cheh! cam phm. k2. today's entry..

it was last minute and we thought of going to town.
in the end, we watched 4bia at GV tamp.
the greatness of being a student.
Just paying $6 per ticket. yeah..

it was really weird.
cause the movie was of 4 different shows in one
but all of them are coincidentally link with each other.
and all of them are scary except the third one.
which is more of funny than scary.
i was hiding myself behind my legs and shutting my ears tight wif my fingers.

after that hang out at macdonalds.
where you know theres a cheap shop beside it.
and there is a worker there who speaks on the microphone
like some dj saying come2 sale2.. although half the time you cant figure out what he's saying.

after that head out for tmart.
ate first before just chilling.
so long time never see wan.
and sooo mat rep. haiz..

then hang out before heading home.

x new phone. hehe

2008-08-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

yes. today was a new phone day.

whoopee! no more polyphonic phones ya..

hahaha!!!

i just jope i wont lose this one again.

and its a line summore.

ok here are some pics i took during the test-the-phone-period. i mean on top..