This is it? After all that we've been through, and you're finally letting it all go.
You gave up your love and most importantly, our love just like that.
And the reason is because i hurt you everyday and yet i don't know how to pujok?
Everyday my heart wants to cry out and i tried staying strong
and act as if i'm doing just fine. I tried holding strong but in the end,
as i get back in my room, the feeling of loneliness hung heavily in me.
I close the door of my room and cuddle myself on the bed crying.
I didn't want anyone to see me like this.
It's not that i want to count every little good deeds that i do for you.
But it's all running in my head now.
Waking up at 4.30am in the morning, walking in the dark, cold and lonely road,
to catch the first 969 bus just to be with you as long as i could b4 i head for school.
Packing up food for you incase you get hungry.
And all my allowance was all i got for the week.
But to me you need it more than i do and i have to go to school controlling my hunger.
And knowing that i had shortage of money, i only took 969/168 back to tamp central
and walk all the way back home under the scorching sun.
And all that i did not tell you because i know that you're just gonna get angry with me.
And when i didn't go to school, i waited for you at the library for hours.
Waiting for your return just to be with you.
And i had to control my sleepiness sometimes sleeping 1-3hrs/day talking to you on the phone
just to make sure you went to sleep.
First was silence and when i hear you snore, that's only when i put down the phone.
And when you ask me whether i have money to go to school, i said i do but the truth is i don't.
But i don't want you to give me that money because i fear that you won't eat in school.
And sometimes i waited hours at the staircase for you just to meet you dear.
I did this not out of stupidity. I did this out of love. I did this because i care for you.
I did this because i want you to be happy. I did this out of sincerity not for the sake of it. Not
for berbudi or good manners.
Who would do all this for the sake of it. It all comes from my heart. I wanted the best in you.
But i guess it's never enough. I'm never good enough for you. All i ever did was wrong.
And no matter how much my parents hated you, i did not care. I do it all behind their backs.
And when they found out and even if they cry, i still find a way to get to you.
I wonder if my love was ever appreciated by you dear.
Do you really love me? But if you do, you won't surrender yourself and quit.
You would fight for love no matter what right?
How cruel can life be. Here i am feeling like im losing out. But i am losing out.
Now i'm left kneeling on the floor trying to pick up our shattered love, crying bitterly.
What did i do to deserve such cruelty.
“ I’m so myself & I do random things. “
Andreas [♥]