alright.since i wasnt okay just now.
i totally forgot what im suppose to actually blog about today.
its not suppose to be about what im doing today or whatever the shit.
somehow it's weird thinking about afew minutes back.
Now im really cooled down i could type as fast as id normally do.
and its just weird that although i cant control myself when im drunk.
somehow or other im always there. im conscious in a way.
except i feel like flying. lol. k nvm. i dont understand it either.
and alright im talking about guys who always spend on me.
too much especially. and im referring to today and some fine day afew weeks ago.
i felt like i dunno. maybe because im used to having financial issues wif my bf.
or just..it's just really weird having somehow who spend on me too much.
Seriously, i felt so guilty all the time.
Till a tied knot was made in my stomach.
It's like i just wanna say,' im sorry for using up ur money when u could use it for other tings.
But seriously u shud had let me pay for my own things.'
Yeah. It felt like that. I mean come on, i cant expect u to pay for everything.
Because by the time our special occasion came it wont be as special.. to me..
I know..many girls will terase here..
But hey, life with Wan Khairullah wasn't easy plus problems arise abt financial issues too.
That's why sometimes i felt he is my husband.
He felt so connected with me in every single way.
Esp after a big fight. and esp if it's about money.
Because money always mean a big fight. Im not kidding.
So that's why to me guys spending on me.
it's like first im not use to it.
Second, i dont think we'll feel much pressure in our fightings.
unless it incldes a third party.
And that is why lepak and everything is like an okay thingee for me when it comes to dating.
or called it just meeting.
You see, with luxury..u will indulge urself with luxury and him.
Sometimes u wont even realize ur falling for what he have in hand than what he have in heart.
that's why being with Wan was like i dont care about anything else.
Not even money. We could just sit on a bench.
Look into each other's eyes. ( i know it snds wtf but im telling u seriously)
and you just know nothing else is there except you and him.
And that's how you know love is not about anything else.
EXCEPT you and him.
that's what love is about.
Not about u and him indulge in luxury.
its about you and him in everything.
you and him getting through issues that kept you all apart.
you and him compromising with each other.
you and him getting along.
that's why i dont think there's a need to show off bikes.
to show off that you have money.
but to just be urself.
show what you really are.
not about showing what you have.
but just what you exactly are.
i remembered saying to my ex when he was dreaming about bikes and stuff.
and i told him straightforward and frankly..
' Don't let a girl fall for you for what you have but for what you are'.
and he couldn't answer me because that's just the fact.
and that is why to me chemistry is pretty important.
rather than whatever luxury u wanna put me in.
luxury..i could work hard and get that myself.
but love.. it's something both parties must have..
sth that i cant do alone.
just imagine when theres luxury that bring urself together..
and if i take away the luxury..would u still be there for him?
luxury could disappear in a blink of an eye..
but for what you are.. i dont think so..
and when u settle alot of problems together.
somehow you feel more attached to that certain person.
and u dont use luxury to settle things.
u use what you are to settle it.
that's what keep love going. not fucking luxury.
haha. i know i snd pathetic right now.
but sometimes its something i think i should issue about.
“ I’m so myself & I do random things. “
Andreas [♥]