I had recently lost interest in computers and going online.
So in the end, Farhanah just wanna stick with reality for a bit.
After all, i'm great at telling all the shit out on my blog.
Maybe..instead of telling shit..i should somehow just start thinking about it.
I mean that's what i've been doing these days.
Just lying down, trying to analyse everything and come out with all the possibilities.
Either that or i'm out.
And ouh well.. it's just weird.
I was really into deep thoughts on these.
About how the heck can i just not smile when he smiles.
I know i miss him a heck lot and yet, when he is there
right in front of my stupid face. Smiling so widely and
yeah i was stoned. Maybe shocked.
No wait. I can't be shocked. I was always expecting that smile.
Because he is always smiling when he sees me.
Great! I'm always spoiling everything.
Or okay i get it now.
Maybe because whenever i see his face..
i just can't seem to smile.
Because i know deep down that im not
happy with what's between us.
Ok2. Im really slow. That's all. Haha..
Too many problems that i don't even know which is which.
And as for the other guy..
Wait. Before anyone get me wrong..im not a playa or whatsoever.
The guy above there..he is my ex. my first love.
And now it's some guy i used to had something with but didn't turn out well
because he fall out. Yeah ok get it..?
And after whatever just happen..
im even way more confused. Somehow..
like i don't get it why you had to do this and that..
And the worst this warrant cum counsellor actually am protecting his issues.
Well. guys protecting guys..what do i expect anw..
Telling a guy about a guy would make that guy feel protective of the guy.
Guy's are one heck of a complicated jerk.
Yeah. He could go on like maybe his friends influence him?
Right. And i was like can't he think for himself and not let others control his life..
Haha..and the warrant cum counsellor goes on saying maybe his afraid..
maybe his this and that..
And you know what.. im getting more confused.. Hahaha..
Well whatever.
It's not that i don't want this to be over.
Somehow i just find it hard to accept an apology when i know you think im a bimbo.
I don't know how to explain.
As for guys, maybe it's the girl thing.
And the fact that i still hang out at Elias make it worst.
You know, if i don't go there anymore..
i really don't give a damn shit about the apology.
i would insincerely said no prob..
and go fuck the world.
But if i go fuck the world, and see you one fine day..
It's just gonna be ackward.
I swear. Cause i can imagine it now..
Like if i see you and im just gonna go..
' oh fuck. it's the guy who called me a bimbo.
Better talk to my friends and not even look at him'
Haha. But seriously laa..
And trying to act like id oredy forgiven you..makes matters worst for me.
Cause im gonna feel like shit and guilty.
knowing that if i do see you one day..
and i go hie.. but in my bloody mind..
Fuck you!.. trust me...Hahaha..
But well maybe it takes time to get over such a thing. i hope..
“ I’m so myself & I do random things. “
Andreas [♥]