today was suppose to be another happy day for me.
we girls are going to town!
yeah, we meet up and took 518.
i was sitting beside murni hearing songs.
while zyla & zana at the back of us.
then here comes the moment of sudden despair.
all of a sudden i saw murni turn..
and she was like gaping.
and i ask ' whats this abt?'..
and they lk at me and go 'u'll noe soon'..
i look back and zyla was on the phone.
it was a moment i can nvr forget.
and there they told me.
right in my face.
HE was with another girl hugging hands..
the sudden pain was unbearable
but i tried to calm myself.
a friend of us told us.
and said im 100% sure its him.
cause he lk at me and smile.
and yeah they know each other.
that moment i was totally lost.
blank. confused. farking hurt.
and they kp on asking me to break with him.
i didnt know what to do.
cause first i cant bear to break with him.
cause i love him.
but he did this.
he did this.
he did this to me.
time-out to go out with the girl.
to be with her..?
while all along i tried to understand
the fact that he wants a time-out..
and try to cover up all the time i had by going out with friends..
playing comp games..reading..talking on the phone with friends..
it was hard ok..
i cant get him out of my mind every single day..
wondering what he is doing..
how he is doing with his so called problems..
wondering if he is ok..
and this ???
i called him.
and shouted on the phone for a moment.
asking about the girl..
although i realize a sudden pause in the conversation..
he started laughing..
and said he is going to work..
and deny the whole thing..
now things just get worst.
what now?
i know its all my decision.
and whatever people say doesnt seem to get thru me.
they know im scared of him.
and its been since a long time since this happen.
now i swear my heart had shattered to a thousand pieces.
its not a funny matter anymore.
its killing me instead.
what should i do ! ? !
and why..
i dont understand..
why if he really wanna be with her..
why dont he break with me..
why must it be a time-out..
why..why..
fark. my heads starting to hurt too.
too many questions that cant be answered.
fark fark fark my life!!
i know its my longest relationship..
his too..
but almost eight months for nothing??
so im just wasting my whole time with him?
yeah so much of all my happy plans..
so much of buying the levis watch for our 1st yr anniversary..
so much of the everlast thingee i wanna buy for his next burfdae..
so much of me saving my own money from my allowance.
to buy him all this.
but still although im half-way there through the amnt i needed.
its all a waste now.
so much of nothing..
so much of wasting time..
and yeah..
so much of heartache..
“ I’m so myself & I do random things. “
Andreas [♥]